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it’s July and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be wanting to go to those Expensive Theme Parks and on Extravagant Trips on their summer vacation. Just thinking about those Vile Vacationers makes my butt hurt more than sitting on the aluminum slide at Coyle Park. We found ways to have fun when we were kids without spending our parents out of house and home.
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You can bet those Water Crazed Wackos will want to go to some Giant Waterpark so they can go down a 10 Story Waterslide into a pool filled with baby urine. When we were kids, my parents got a 3-Foot Deep Aluminum Above ground pool from K-Mart and then put it on the Patio Blocks so the bottom was just like a cement pool. Then we’d fill it up with hose water and have fun all summer long. Sure we all scraped our foreheads and wrenched our backs from jumping into the pool head first, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!!
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And those Thrill Seeking Suckers will spend a fortune at Cedar Point so they drive 3 hours to stand in line for 2 hours for a 20-Second Ride on a fancy roller coaster with electro-magnetic power, linear motor technology and computer controlled brakes. Fiddle
Fooey!! When I was a kid we went on the Himalaya Ride at Edgewater Park. That ride was just a rusty piece of steel on wheels run by some Hippie playing Jethro Tull Music in
Quadraphonic. Sure you would get oil all over you from riding that crappy ride, but we didn’t care, we loved it! Because the Hippie would make it go in reverse!!
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And you can bet those Summer Stooges will be going to all kinds of expensive camps. Oh they will be going to Basketball Camps, Gymnastic Camps, Cheerleading Camps, and Computer Camps. When I was a kid, our parents would just send us down to Coyle Park and leave us with Cliff the Park Director who would teach us how to paint plaques and when it was hot, he would open a fire hydrant and let us run through sewer water. Sure he was missing a toe and I’m not even sure he worked for the City, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!
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So you continue to spoil those Hot Weather Hooligans, but as for me, I’m giving my kids an old-fashioned summer! I’m gonna buy a 3-foot above ground pool and fill it with sewer water and then I’m gonna push them backwards in a rusty wagon while playing crappy 70’s rock songs on my Jam Box. And thanks to the registered Sex Offenders list on the Internet, I know where Cliff the Park Director lives, so we can go over to his trailer and paint plaques!
Have a Great Summer!
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