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THE BEST OF

From Our July 2001 Edition

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ll itís summertime and that means the TV is going to be packed with lots of public service announcements about how to protect your little brats in the hot summer. Just thinking about those summer sissies makes me hotter than the vinyl seats on my Dadís Vega in the summertime. When I was a kid, we waited for summer all year long and we didnít need no special rules to protect us.

You canít turn on the television without some warning telling you not to leave your pet in the car with no air conditioning. We never had air conditioning in the car when I grew up and I would have to sit in the hatchback while we took a 4-hour trip in 100-degree heat to Cadillac. One time, I went shopping with my Dad, and had to sit in the hatchback with no open window while he went to Farmer Jacks, Chatham, and A&P trying to save 20 cents on a 6-pack of Old Milwaukee beer. I got so dehydrated; I had to drink windshield washer solvent to survive. Sure, I peed blue for a week, but I didnít care, I loved it!! Because I was happy to go shopping with my Dad.

And these safety-conscious stupidos are always telling you to wear sun block. When I was a kid, we didnít even know what sun block was. We stayed outside until our skin started peeling and then we came inside. The only lotion weíd put on was the Mercurochrome that we would put on our skin after it peeled so much, we would start to bleed. We were a peeling, bloody, sunburned mess but we didnít care, we loved it, because we didnít have to wear no sissy lotion.

And donít forget to give your kids plenty of water. When I was a kid, we got water all the time. We played with the Water Wiggle, Slip Ďn Slide, and the Super Soaker. Anywhere there was wet slippery pavement youíd find us. And when that wasnít fun enough for my parents, they put a 3-foot pool on our cement patio and sat and watched us dive into the pool headfirst. Sure, weíd scrape our face on the bottom of the pool and get a concussion, but we didnít care, we loved it!!

Come to think of it, I had a great time as a McCarty kid in the summer. But what do I know? I was just a peeling, dazed, dehydrated, soggy kid with a closed head injury.

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