ll, it’s February and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be trying to get into shape for the summer. They’ll be doing exercises and taking lots of classes to get into shape. Just thinking about those Fitness Freaks burns my butt more than when I mixed up the Preparation H and the Ben Gay. We had way better exercises and were in better shape when we were kids.

I can picture those Workout Weenies now in their Zumba Classes dancing to latin music and jumping around like a bunch of idiots. When I was a kid, my mom exercised by watching the Jack LaLanne Show. Jack LaLanne had huge biceps, wore a shiny jumpsuit, and did lots of exercises involving a kitchen chair. Sure the workout usually ended with my Mom poking herself in the eye with a chair leg, but we didn’t care, we loved it! Because at the end Jack would bring out his white German Shepherd “Happy”!

And those Remedial Runners will be doing all sorts of 5Ks, 10Ks, and Marathons to work on their fitness. When I was a kid, if we ran, it was because a smoker was chasing us in Coyle Park or someone just broke a window. When I was a kid, we built up our fitness by climbing the rope at Parkman Elementary School. Sure, Mr. Komblevitz, the gym teacher, would be wearing a windbreaker and yelling at us, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And you can bet those Video Game Goobers will be in their basements playing Wii Fit, Just Dance, Dance Dance Revolution, and Exerbeat. When I was a kid we exercised in the basement by playing floor hockey in your socks. We’d use a broken piano for one goal and the entry to Mom’s side of the basement as the other. Sure every game would end with my Dad and DJ in a fight and somebody hurting their toe by kicking the piano, but we didn’t care, we loved it.  

.So you go ahead and let those Fitness Fanatics take their stupid classes and run around like idiots but  as for me, I’m getting in shape the old fashioned way. I’m going find some out of work Gym Teacher with thinning hair and a wind breaker and then were going to Coyle Park with a rope and a kitchen chair. And if any of those smokers want  a piece of me, I’m running.