ll, it’s December and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will getting ready for Christmas. Just thinking about those decorating dorks makes me hotter than a Samsung Galaxy 7 phone. We had way more fun decorating when we kids.

You can bet those Christmas Tree Trolls will be getting all excited putting up their $500 artificial Christmas tree with the pine fragrance and pre-wired lights for easy installation. When I was a kid, all my Grandma Schmelzer needed was her old aluminum Christmas Tree that looked like a broom stick with shiny pipe cleaners sticking out of it. And then my grandma had a light that would shine on the tree with a 3 color rotating disk that would make the tree turn from Red, to Green, and then to Yellow. Sure we would chase Grandma’s dog “Tiny” into the tree so it fell over on him, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And you can bet those Outdoor Outcasts will be putting all sorts of lights and inflatable decorations on the outside of their homes. They’ll have animatronic reindeer on their lawns, LED lights on their gutters, and project “Feliz Navidad” on their garage doors. When I was a kid, all my dad needed was freshly cut holly all around the house and then we would put lights on our outdoor trees. Sure, we’d usually accidentally staple our glove to the roof with a staple gun and then get hypothermia while trying to replace every light to find a “Blinker Bulb” with one glove, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And those Convenient Catholics don’t go to church at all through the year, but they’ll be carefully placing their expensive store bought manger scenes under the tree with miniature Jesus, Joseph, and Mary. When I was a kid, we had the same manger every year under the Christmas Tree. We also made it a special part of Christmas Day by picking up the baby Jesus with my Vertibird Helicopter, placing the sheep in Lincoln Log farms, and putting the 3 Wise Men on our Coleco Electronic Vibrating Football game. Sure, the wise man Balthazar had so much Elmers’ glue on him that he looked like the Elephant Man, but we didn’t care we loved it. 

So you go ahead and do all your fancy schmancy decorating this Christmas, but I’m gonna have an old-fashioned Christmas like we used to. I’m getting myself one of those old-fashioned silver Christmas trees like my Grandma had, and then I’m gonna decorate it like we used to with old strands of colored bulbs covered with black electrical tape, dangerous glass ornaments, recycled tinsel, and my Mom’s original manger scene smack dab under the tree. And then I’m gonna get some of that freshly cut holly and put it all around my house!