ll, it’s November and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for Thanksgiving. And you can bet they will be doing lots of Thanksgiving themed projects in their crappy schools. Just thinking about those Holiday Hooligans makes me hotter than the thermometer in the Thanksgiving Day Turkey’s butt. We had way better Thanksgivings when I was a kid.

These Fall Failures nowadays will be making art projects with Construction Paper, Acrylic Paints, Cotton Balls, and Colored Cellophane. When we were kids, the only project we made was to trace our hands with a crayon and make a Turkey by putting a beak on the thumb and making feathers out of the fingers. Sure we had to walk around with crayon stains on our hands for the day, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And you can bet those Crafty Kids will be reading Margaret McCarty’s Craft Corner in the McCarty Metro so they go outside looking for pine cones and leaves and then put Elmer’s Glue on them to make a turkey. How about you just leave the crap on my lawn outside instead of bringing inside and making something I gotta put on my coffee table? When I was a kid the only thing we looked for outside were Chestnuts and the only thing we did with them was throw them at Squirrels running across the telephone lines. Sure we’d hit an occasional car or put a dent in someone’s aluminum siding, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And then these kids nowadays will have to write a report on “Indigenous People.” When I was a kid, we called them “Indians” and the only “Indians” we knew were Crazy Cat from F-Troop and that Indian from the commercial that stood by the side of the road and cried when people threw garbage on him. Sure, we felt bad about the Indians and before I littered, I always checked to make sure there wasn’t one by the side of the road. But as for the Hekawi Tribe? Heck, we loved them!

So you have your kids make their crappy projects and their stupid reports, but as for me, I’m going to reenact the first Thanksgiving: Me and Lou Diamond Phillips (who is ¼ Native American) are going to get in his Jeep Cherokee and go to the Drive-Thru at Arby’s and get some Turkey Sandwiches. Then, after that, we are going to drive around with a garbage bag and collect all the crappy Thanksgiving Crafts we can find, then we are gonna look for a 2nd Grade Teacher on the side of the road and throw ‘em at ‘em.

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