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By Mike McCarty
Spring training is here, and Major League Baseball's regular season starts April 5 vs. Boston. So, if you are not on the Detroit Tigers' bandwagon, you need to get on now. To put you in the mood, here's a "boatload" of obscure baseball jargon, twisted grammar and curious cliches, as uttered during the 2011 season by Tigers TV play-by-play man Mario Impemba and his excitable sidekick, Rod Allen.
PLEASE NOTE: I heard these "gems" with my own ears, took the time to log them, and include them in a humor manuscript." (I know, but it's not about me.) Here's an excerpt.
ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH:
Rod (after a Brennan Bosch single): “He hit a seed past Cano. If you can hit it by Cano, it’s a seed.”
DOUBLY CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR
Rod: “Almost nearly a spectacular catch.” (commenting on a Minnesota Twins outfielder who didn’t quite get to the ball)
MARIO ASKS: IS BOESCH GOING TO BAT THIRD PERMANENTLY?
Rod answers: “It looks like it’s going to be a permanent change, at least for the immediate future.”
MARIO, AESOP AND CONFUCIUS
Mario: “You know what they say: ‘When they get up for the third time, they are coming into the game at some point’.” (On relief pitchers)
CHAPTER AND VERSE AND WORSE
Rod: “A lot of people are trying to take a book out of the page of Roy Halliday.”
A WORD FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE JUSTIN VERLANDER FAN CLUB
Rod: “He’s an animal. A different kind of cat. Blessed.”
MARIO’S DOUBLE CLICHÉ PLAY
Mario: “Not a tailor-made double play by any stretch of the imagination.”
ASTERISK WANTED
Mario: “Austin Jackson has taken a lot of hits away from batters, and one of his was just taken away, except it was foul.”
BUT HOW COULD YOU TELL ME IF …
Rod: “If you weren’t with us the other day, I told you … “
WHERE THERE’S A WILL, WILL
Rod: “He inherits two inherited runners.” (when a relief pitcher was brought in)
HAVEN’T HEARD THIS ONE SINCE … LAST INNING
Rod: “Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.”
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DOUBLY ACCURATE
Mario: “That throw was right on the money and right on target.” (commenting on Alex Avila’s throw to second base,
stopping a stolen base by Tampa Bay on Aug. 23)
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