The McCarty Metro - Dateline News

DATELINE: 2011 DAN MCCARTY GOLF CLASSIC

Congratulations to the 2011 winners: Team Decker

DANIEL J. MCCARTY
August 4, 1955 - May 25, 1996
"THE BEST OF THE BEST"

Thank you for joining us and being part of our celebration of DJ's life. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my brother. He was truly a great man, son, and brother.

I think about my brother often. Losing someone close makes you appreciate the small things in life too. I sometimes feel sorry that he is not here to enjoy them with me. Whether it is a red wings game, a good time golf scramble, a bad joke, you name it, I am disappointed I can't share it with him. Things like that make me glad that I have a lot of great memories with DJ. He coached my baseball team growing up, he helped me in college, and he mentored me in business. He made me laugh, he made me think, and he helped make me who I am today.

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I guess this is just a reminder to spend some time with those that are important to you, enjoy the small stuff, tell them thank you for being part of your life, and share a bad joke with them. Someday you may look back on those tiny moments, and they will become some of your
most enjoyable, endearing memories.

- Steve McCarty

1st Place Team 5A

M. Decker
P. Bonkowski
D. Russel
T. Loriaux

Closest To The Pin #2
Andrew Kirk

Closest To The Pin #6
Paul Hoover

Closest To The Pin #11
Kevin Pottenger

Closest To The Pin #14
Kris Kuhn

Closest To The Pin #16
Hargleaves

Longest Drive #5
Jess Goins

Longest Drive 18
Ryan Shutter

THANK YOU FOR YOUR
CONTINUED SUPPORT!

A special thanks to all the sponsors, Chuck Pottenger and the entire Lupus Alliance, all the golfers who played and donated to a great cause, Steve & Kristen McCarty, the wonderful ladies who worked the day of the event to help make it a great day for all

DATELINE: TWIN LAKES GOLF & SWIM CLUB
The golf club hosting this years' event have posted their list of rules for this year's DMGC.

DMGC RULE 1: No kissing or mooning on the course, Steve!
DMGC RULE 2: Your best shot must be followed almost immediately by your worst shot ever.
DMGC RULE 3: The brand new expensive golf balls you just bought are water-magnetic.
DMGC RULE 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree must be cut down.
DMGC RULE 5: No matter what makes you muff a shot, your team must solemnly say "You looked up,"
DMGC RULE 6: The higher your handicap, the more qualified you are as an "instructor" for your teammates
DMGC RULE 7: Every par-3 hole on the course has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
DMGC RULE 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
DMGC RULE 9: The trees on the back 9 eat golf balls.
DMGC RULE 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
DMGC RULE 11: Your golf cart will run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
DMGC RULE 12: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
DMGC RULE 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
DMGC RULE 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds
DMGC RULE 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
DMGC RULE 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt, Mary"
DMGC RULE 17: The team you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
DMGC RULE 18: The last 3 holes will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
DMGC RULE 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
DMGC RULE 20: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

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DATELINE: MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY
Austin McCarty, the son of Kelly & Margaret McCarty, graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in computer science from the College of Engineering. Austin completed his degree in 4 years and was on the honors and Deans list in every semester. He comes home with a job with GM's On-Star division in Detroit. Congratulations Austin.
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DATELINE: 2011 TISM STUDENT SHOWCASE AWARDS
The 12th annual TISM Student Showcase took place on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at Michigan State University. During the high-paced, energetic event, The McCarty Metro's own Austin McCarty won the TISM Peoples Choice Award for the "Best Game and/or Interactive Media" with his video game "Conviction". The entire event was presented by the College of Communication Arts & Sciences Media Sandbox and the Department of Telecommunication, Information Studies, and Media. The Metro also would like to congratulate Austin on a job well done.

DATELINE: HANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
Amanda McCarty fulfilled her dream of visiting New York to recreate scenes from her favorite Tom Hanks movie, "You've Got Mail". After visiting all of the sites and being filmed as she quoted those famous lines from the movie, Amanda thought she would have a close encounter with Tom Hanks when she visited Central Park and learned that Tom Hanks was filming another movie in New York. Unable to find Tom Hanks, Amanda posed for a picture in front of his movie trailer before flying back to Tennessee.

Gilligan had a first name that was only used once on the pilot of Gilligan's Island, His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on the show is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the ill fated wreck of the SS Minnow.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for President Ronald Reagan.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

DATELINE: NASHVILLE
Former Cockroach drummer, Lake Speed, is trying to piece a band together to tour Chucky Cheese.

DATELINE: A STRIKING SIMILARITY
Chris McCarty at 7 weeks and Alexa McCarty at 7 weeks. Both appear deep in thought or just have a loaded diaper.

DATELINE: LAFAYETTE, INDIANA

An Indiana couple discovered a receipt that may have blown 525 miles from Joplin, MO, to their porch, the longest recorded journey of debris from a tornado.

Tia Fritz contacted Ernest Agee, a Purdue University professor of earth and atmospheric sciences and tornado expert, when she and her husband discovered a receipt dated May 13 from Joplin Tire on the porch of their Royal Center, Indiana, home on Wednesday May 25. Royal Center is in northern Indiana about 45 miles from Lafayette.

"This paper traveled more than twice as far as the longest distance recorded for debris from a storm," said Agee, who now has the receipt. "The previous record was a cancelled check that traveled 210 miles after the 1915 tornado in Great Bend, Kansas.

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The distance paper travels is directly proportional to the intensity of the tornado. This paper's journey is a testament to the strength of the EF5 tornado that struck Joplin and what that city went through."

In order to reach Indiana, the receipt, which was folded into one-quarter of its original size, would have to have been sucked into the tornado and then carried by the jet stream for 12.5 hours, according to Agee's estimates using wind speeds and the distance traveled. It is not known exactly how long the receipt was on the porch before it was discovered.

The devastating tornado destroyed nearly one-third of Joplin and killed more than 132 people in the city of more than 50,000. The tornado is considered the deadliest to hit the United States in 65 years.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Jackie Cooper, 88, actor (Skippy, Our Gang, Superman) and director (M*A*S*H). Sada Thompson, 83, actress (Family), lung disease. Seve Ballesteros, 54, Spanish golfer, respiratory failure following a brain tumor. Robert (Tractor) Traylor, 34, basketball player (U of M, Bucks, Cavaliers, Hornets), suspected heart attack. Barbara Stuart, 76, actress (Gomer Pyle USMC). Harmon Killebrew, 74, Hall of Fame baseball player (Minnesota Twins), esophageal cancer. Don Barden, 67, businessman, lung cancer. "Macho Man" Randy Savage, 58, professional wrestler, car crash following heart attack. Jeff Conaway, 60, actor (Grease, Taxi) pneumonia.

AND FINALLY... THE STORY OF NOAH

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in The United States , and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, PETA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve A complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the Tax Office seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord. 'The US Government beat me to it.

SEE YOU BACK IN JULY FOR MORE DATELINE NEWS
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