DATELINE: McCARTY METRO HEADQUARTERS
The McCarty Metro website got hacked the third weekend in January. All pages were left intact except for a skull on the front page. Metro editor Kelly McCarty accuses the hackers of having no guts. "I guess they were just a bunch of numbskulls who were very thirsty. They must have been bone dry." said Kelly. He also wants to find out how they got into the site. Since they didn't have the password, they probably just used a skeleton key.

DATELINE: DMGC TEXAS HOLD EM & CHILI COOKOFF EVENT License M 63271
Thursday, February 24, 2011 at the Sterling Heights Lions Club Hall at 12828 Canal Road, Sterling Heights, MI 48313 
Registration: 6:00 PM • Start Play: 7:00 PM Chili Cook-Off: Anyone Can Enter Chili Cook-Off • Bring Your Crock-Pot® 
Prizes for Best, Worst and Hottest Chili - DOWNLOAD THE EVENT FLYER

$100 Buy In • $50 Re-buy • Must be 18 to Play • Cash prizes for tournament will be determined by number of players • Cash Bar for Beer & Wine

All proceeds benefit the Lupus Alliance of America. Call 800-705-6677 to register or online with credit card at: www.milupus.org.

The Lupus Alliance in Cooperation with the DMGC and The McCarty Family would like to thank:

• Event Sponsor – (1) Sponsorship Available $1,000 – Bieske & Associates
• Cocktail Lounge – (1) Sponsorship Available $350 – UHY LLP
• Chili Cookoff – (1) Sponsorship Available $250
• Table Sponsors – (10) Sponsorships Available $100

Why not help sponsor this event. Call Chuck at 800-705-6677 for details

16th Annual
Dan McCarty Golf Classic

Saturday, June 4, 2011 • Twin Lakes Golf and Swim Club

Registration: 7AM • Shotgun start: 8AM 
• Sponsorship opportunities available

Proceeds to the Lupus Alliance of America

Call 800-705-6677 to register or online with Credit Card at: www.milupus.org

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DATELINE: GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
'Call Me Catheran' helps raise funds in Grand Rapids

Mike McCarty performed "Call Me Catheran," a one-man show about growing up Catholic and meeting a Lutheran girl, Karen, in front of more than 90 people on Jan. 21 at Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Grand Rapids. Karen, Ryan, Missy, Chris and Jill were among the spectators. The ecumenical event -- a dinner (cooked by Bethlehem Pastor Jay Schrimpf), followed by Mike's show -- was co-sponsored by Bethlehem and the Catholic Information Center. Mike used humor, guitar and a banjo to drive home his ecumenical message. More than $800 was raised for the Heartside Neighborhood Collaboration Project, an effort to help direct aid to the needy in downtown Grand Rapids.

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The Metro's own Steve McCarty was recently interviewed by Crain's Detroit Business Magazine in an article entitled "Recent tax changes present potential benefits for growing businesses". Steve offers some important tax tips for you. You can read the online version by clicking here.
SNOW!

We just had 2 feet of snow dumped on us. Click here for the photo!

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DATELINE: VEGAS BABY VEGAS
Kelly, Steve and Jerry, Jim, Jerome, along with the DeVito brothers,  traveled to Las Vegas for their annual trek. Without going into detail citing the 11th commandment... What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas, the boys had a great time. Weather was great, we got to see the historic Matt Scholl Great Wall and the Larry McCarty commemorative trash can. Be sure to check out the Metro Podcast Page for a wrap up on Vegas.

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DATELINE: MTSU

Lauren McCarty graduated from Middle Tennessee State University. In attendance at the ceremony were sisters Sara and Amanda (right)

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Also there were proud papa Larry, Gina, Robby, and other well wishers. We at the Metro wish Lauren much luck in the future.

DATELINE: EMAIL ABBREVIATIONS
A list of email abbreviations developed for us old men.

BFF: Best Friend Farted
ATD: At The Doctor’s
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFLCGU: Rollin On The Floor Laughing & Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor

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DATELINE: MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY
Austin McCarty, with his teammates Matt Packowski and Andrew Thielking developed a products and services request system for Meijer. The boys said " The goal of our web portal is to make it easier for Meijer employees to find and request the desired ITS products and services and to provide the ability to view the status of their request, thereby allowing ITS to provide quicker request turnaround rates. By using our web portal, the user and ITS will save valuable time, thus increasing productivity." 

The team unveiled the system on Design Day at MSU. Their design won the prestigious Auto-Owners Insurance Exposition Award. The CSE capstone team with the best overall Design Day performance is honored with the Auto-Owners Insurance Exposition Award, which is sponsored by Auto-Owners Insurance of Lansing, Michigan. 

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498 capstone teams presented their projects on Design Day in a variety of ways. Teams create and set up an exhibit where they demonstrate their projects and answer questions for Design Day attendees, which include corporate clients, families, friends, faculty, and students, along with hundreds of local middle and high school students. In addition, as part of the award competition, teams give a formal presentation to a panel of corporate judges.

The Metro congratulates Austin McCarty for the award and making the Deans List at MSU for the 7th consecutive semester.

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AROUND THE METRO HORN

MISPRINT: ED NOTE: This is a mistaken headline to the McCarty poker event as seen on dBusinessNews.com Former Wing Darren McCarty to hold charity poker tournament by George Malik on 01/25/11 at 12:41 PM ET Via “dBusinessNews,” former Red Wing Darren McCarty will hold a charity poker tournament to benefit lupus.

LUCKY LADY: Not only did Jean McCarty hit big with her numbers in Las Vegas, but she has been on a winning roll at Bingo back home taking the "big" Jackpot, then hitting again 2 days later.

NO REPEAT: Kelly McCarty, who won the 2009-2010 CMacsWorld college football National U Pick Em competition, finished in second place this year. After Oregon fell to Auburn on the final game of the season, Kelly, who had the lead going into the final 5 bowl games, fell to "runner up" status while this year's winner Alan Fortunate from Brighton, MA finished up strong at 5-0

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST: She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

DATELINE: NANCY REAGAN
We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady. You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been  rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter that the McCarty Metro uncovered from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

To: John Hinckley - From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan
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My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan. We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. I'm confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.
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Best wishes, Nancy Reagan & Family
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P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

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REAL
NEWS
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In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people, there was a Doctor who visited many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it, and many died. The doctor came upon one farmer, and to his surprise, everyone in the household was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different, the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one, and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.

The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere.. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year, and we never got the flu. If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case. Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!

Now there is a PS to this, for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions: Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but I do know that I contracted pneumonia, and needless to say I was very ill. I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion. Put one end on a fork, and then place the forked end into an empty jar...placing the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs. Sure enough, it happened just like that...the onion was a mess, and I began to feel better. Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.

THE PAST YEAR WITH iTECHNOLOGY

It all began with an iPhone... 

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me 
very happy when she bought me an iPad.

My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

September came by so for my wife’s birthday I bought her an iRon. It was around then that the fight started... What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This unfortunately activated the iNag app. 

Which led me to the iHospital. iGet out Thursday.

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM

A new sign in the lobby of Bank of America reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.' 

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window. 
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up. 
7. Drive off. 
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FEMALE PROCEDURE: 
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 
3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up..
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 
8. Insert card. 
9. Re-insert card the right way. 
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 
11. Enter PIN. 
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required. 
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.. 
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.. 
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup. 
19. Drive forward 2 feet. 
20. Revers e back to cash machine. 
21. Retrieve card. 
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 
25. Redial person on cell phone.. 
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 
27. Release Parking Brake. 

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GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - DECEMBER, 2010

Ron Santo, 70, baseball player and broadcaster (Chicago Cubs), diabetes and bladder cancer. Don Meredith, 72, football player (Dallas Cowboys) and commentator (Monday Night Football), brain hemorrhage. Elizabeth Edwards, 61, author, lawyer and political activist, breast cancer. Blake Edwards, 88, director, producer and screenwriter (The Pink Panther, Breakfast at Tiffany's), pneumonia. Bob Feller, 92, baseball player (Cleveland Indians), member of the Hall of Fame, leukemia. Steve Landesberg, 65, actor (Barney Miller), cancer. Teena Marie, 54, singer. Bill Lajoie, 76, former Detroit Tiger scout and GM.
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - JANUARY, 2011

Pete Postlethwaite, 64, actor (In the Name of the Father, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, The Usual Suspects), cancer. Anne Francis, 80, actress (Honey West, Forbidden Planet, The Twilight Zone), pancreatic cancer. Gerry Rafferty, 63, singer-songwriter (Stealers Wheel), liver failure. David Nelson, 74, actor (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet), colon cancer. Don Kirshner, 76, record producer and songwriter, host of Don Kirshner's Rock Concert, heart failure. Sargent Shriver, 95, politician and activist, complications from Alzheimer's disease. Charlie Callas, 86, comedian and actor (Silent Movie, Switch).

REST IN PEACE FORREST GUMP
Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.' Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.' St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?'

Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' St. Peter's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?' Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... ' 'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.' 'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and very frustrated St. Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?' 'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

AND FINALLY...

DATELINE: DETROIT, MICHIGAN
Reaching the end of his job interview with ON STAR, the Human Resources Person asked Austin McCarty, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" Austin said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a GM car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" Austin sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

SEE YOU BACK IN MARCH

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