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 ell it’s February and that means it is Mom McCarty’s
84th Birthday. Yippee!! I can picture all of those McCarty Grandbrats being pampered with new-fangled discipline techniques. Just thinking about those Montessori Munchkins gives me more of a bad taste in my mouth than when my Mom put a bar of Irish Spring in my mouth for making fart noises.
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Nowadays, these Pathetic Parents like to try to reason with their children to try to get them to open up. Well I got news for you, your kids don’t want to be friends with you and they only tell you what they want you to hear. When my Mom wanted information from us, she could get us talking in two minutes flat. All she had to do was tell us she was calling the “BAD BOYS HOME” and then dial up the “Weather” on the phone. We would be lying on the floor in a fetal position crying our eyes out and confessing to things we did years ago. If my Mom was at
Gitmo, you wouldn’t need any waterboarding. All she would need is a telephone and she could crack Al Qaeda in a week. Sure, I still hide under a table every time a van drives down the street, but I don’t care I loved it!
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And those Marshmallow Mommies nowadays love to discipline their kids with a time out. “Ewww go to your room and think about what you did” Well I got news for you sister, the only thing your bratty kids are thinking about is how they pulled another one over on you. When I was a kid if we hit our brothers, my Mom would make us sit on a cheap kitchen chair for a few hours while our brothers made funny faces as us. Sure, the chairs had pleather upholstery and made your butt sweat, but we didn’t care we were happy with what we had.
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And these Non-Violent Ne’er-do-Wells would never think of laying a hand on their kids. Well guess what? My Mom never laid a hand on me either!! Sure she beat the crap out of me with shoes, the board of education, belts, and other stuff, but she never laid a hand on me. My Mom was the “McGyver” of finding things to spank your kids with. She could make a paddle out of newspapers, a book, or even a bird that Michael made in wood shop. Sure it made our butts hurt, but we didn’t care because it taught us a lesson.
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So you Modern Mothers keep on taking it easy on your crappy kids. But as for me, I’m gonna discipline my kids the old fashioned way!! I’m gonna spank the crap out of them and make them sit on rotten chairs until they learn a lesson. Because that’s the way my Mom treated me and I turned out just fine!!
Ahhhh! I think I hear the Bad Boys Home Van. I didn’t do it!! I swear I didn’t do it.
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