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Well it’s September and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready to go back to school. Just thinking about those Pathetic Pupils makes me more bent out of shape than my 7th Grade Metal Shop project. School nowadays is nothing compared to when we were kids. |
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Oh I got the message from school telling me not to bring any peanut products to school because some rotten kid has a peanut allergy. When I was a kid nobody had allergies and every kid brought Peanut Butter sandwiches to school and every candy had peanuts in it. We ate Goobers, Paydays, Planters Peanut Brittle Bars, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Squirrels. And, amazingly, not one kid ever dropped dead on the playground. I once got sick from eating a warm Liverwurst Sandwich with Onions, but I didn’t ban it from the school!! We got sick on crappy rancid sandwiches but we didn’t care we loved it! Because at least we had plenty of peanuts. |
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And these Classrooms nowadays have got all kinds of technology for those Pampered Prima Donnas. They’ve got Computers,
SmartBoards, DVD Players, and WiFi. When I was a kid, all we had was a crappy film strip projector that played some weird science filmstrip from the 1950’s. They would put on some scratchy 33 RPM record and the filmstrip would automatically advance every time there was a beep on the record. The only thing that kept the filmstrip interesting was making shadow puppets of rabbits on the screen or all the kids saying “beep” to try to get the sound out of synch with the filmstrip. We had rotten filmstrips that didn’t teach us anything, but we didn’t care, we loved it! Because we were happy with what we had! |
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And you can bet at lunchtime on the playground, those little Recess Retards will be playing on their safety grade plastic playground equipment over the rubberized composite surface. When we kids we played on Rusty Steel Monkey Bars over a mixture of dirt, rocks, and broken bottles. Sure if you fell off you’d risk getting a closed head injury, lock jaw, or cut up by glass, but we didn’t care, we loved it! |
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So you take your little boys and girls to their fancy schmancy schools, but not me. I’m home schooling my little brats, and I’m gonna teach them the old fashioned way! We are gonna have filmstrips and at recess they can go in the backyard and play on my rusty swing set. And we are gonna serve nothing but Peanuts. Peanut Butter, Peanut Brittle, and even Peanut Buster Parfaits. But we ain’t gonna serve no Liverwurst. Cause that’s asking for trouble.
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