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Dear Editor: I am in need of some hypothetical Halloween advice. Let's say I'm out trick-or-treating. And let's say a bigger kid steals my bag full of candy and runs away. What should I do? Call the police, run after the kid, or get a new bag and re-do my entire Halloween route? Did this ever happen to any of the McCarty kids?
-Pre-Halloween Angst Somewhere in Michigan
ED NOTE: NO, IT DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME, AND I AM NOT LISTENING TO
ANY MORE OF YOUR QUESTIONS. TATATATATATATATATATA
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Dear Editor: I just
got home from a stay at the Jean's Motel Annex and in my mailbox was a
letter from The Scooter Store. The flyer lists 8 questions and it says if
I answer yes to any of them, I need a scooter. I answered no to all of the
questions except, "Do you sometimes feel left out by not being able
to get together with family and friends?" I live 9 hours away... do I
need a scooter?-Confused
ED NOTE: Yes. And they now feature a Hybrid Scooter. It runs on
electricity and moonshine from a Tennessee still.
Dear Editor: On
a recent visit to Michigan, I was given two green tomatoes as a parting
gift. Is this symbolic of something?
-Wanting a red tomato
ED NOTE: I am not sure about symbolism, so I consulted my oldest brother Mike,
and he made perfect sense. "All tomatoes are red except for the green
ones."
Dear Editor:
At a recent baby shower they played a game of identifying melted candy
bars as each on lay on a separate disposable diaper. There was one
that was greenish and tasted like crap. Any idea what candy bar that
would have been? -Gagging
in MI
ED NOTE: Sorry about that... Eddy got
into the broccoli before the party. My bad!!!
Dear Editor: I
want to pass out nutritious Halloween treats this year, but I know apples
put up a red flag. What other treat could I hand out?
-Waiting on pins and razors for your answer
ED NOTE: Someone told me kids love
getting eggs, but then I found out that it's not all that its cracked up
to be!
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If you would like to
submit your rant, please send it to reply@mccartymetro.com
This month's Speak
Out is from Gerry
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I am appalled that so many
of my friends are against the mosque near Ground Zero. We should allow it
in order to promote tolerance. I
also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque to
promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call them "The Turban
Cowboy" and "You Mecca Me Hot" Next door should be a
butcher shop that specializes in pork and have an open barbecue with pork
ribs. Across the street a very daring lingerie store called "Victoria
Keeps Nothing Secret.” And next door, in flashing lights, an Adult Toy
Shop. For the purpose of tolerance we should build accordingly around the
Mosque.
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