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Well, it’s
February and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be huddled
around their TV Sets watching the 2010 Winter Olympics from
Vancouver. I can
picture those Winter Wussies rooting on the USA in a bunch of
sports that they never even played.
These Winter Olympic Sports are nothing compared to the
things we used to do in the winter when I was a kid. |
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Oh you can bet
those Lazy Loafers will tune in for the Luge Competition.
I can picture those European Lugers wearing those
skin-tight nylon suits with Big Jim and the Twins displayed for
everyone to see. When
we were kids we used to go down hills at Rouge Park in a plastic
saucer and we didn’t need no fancy schmancy outfits.
My Dad, would go down the hill in a Trench Coat and a
Fedora with a Pall Mall cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
Sure he rolled out of the saucer and ended up in a snow
bank, but he didn’t care he loved it! |
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And then those
Figure Skating Loving Losers will be rooting on all of those ice
dancers who will be doing Double Axels and Hamel Camels to some
song that I never even heard of.
And all of those McCarty wives will get all teary-eyed
watching a gay guy lift up a 70 lb girl and spin around on one
foot on an ice rink that has been Zambonied so many times you can
see yourself in it. When
we were kids we used to make an ice rink in the backyard by
packing snow in a circle and then flooding it with the garden
hose. Then we would go
out there and slide around in skates, boots, or tennis shoes.
Whatever you had was fine.
Sure, you had to be careful because there were always things
sticking up through the ice like grass, patio blocks, or even a
rake, but we didn’t care we loved it!!
Cause we were happy to have our very own ice skating rink.
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And those Sports
Spazzes will be watching the
Biathlon, where they cross country ski and shoot a gun.
Fiddle Foey!! If
they want to have a tough sport, they should have an event where
they ride a Stingray bicycle in a blizzard and deliver newspapers.
We had to go out every day in February with 200 pounds of
newspapers in a saddlebag and try to pedal a crappy bike.
Sure the chain would fall off and we would have frozen snot
on our faces, but we didn’t care we loved it!
Because we were happy to be earning $28 a week. |
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So you stay in
front of your TV watching those Winter Olympics and while you are
seeing if we can edge out Lithuania in the Medal Count, I’m
going to fly back to Detroit and going to our old house on Sussex.
Then I’m gonna flood the backyard with a garden hose and
have an Old-Fashioned Olympics.
So if you want to enter an event just find me, I’ll be
the guy with riding around with frozen snot on his face and
getting chased by some guy with a Frozen Rake.
Go USA!!
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