I bet that Conan O’Brian is going to have a nice Valentine’s Day. He’s getting $32 Million not to have a TV Show until September. Isn’t that something? I haven’t seen anybody get paid that much for doing nothing since Rick McCarty retired as a Lieutenant from the Detroit Police Department. Isn’t that wild?

And how bout that Jay Leno. Isn't he something? First he's on the Tonight Show, then he left, now he's back on the Tonight Show. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! I haven't seen anything like that before.... RIGHT MIKE? Isn't that wild?

How about that Mark McGwire admitting that he used Steroids to break Roger Maris’s homerun record? Isn’t that wild? I haven’t seen a record marred like that since Kelly McCarty taped two quarters to the needle on his turntable while DJing at the Tank Arsenal. Isn’t that something?

And did you see that picture of the Nigerian Christmas Day Bomber’s explosives that he tried to use on Northwest Airlines? Wasn’t that something? I haven’t seen anything that disturbing in anyone’s underwear since Jeff Grail “shite his pants” in Vegas. Isn’t that wild?

And did you see where the Harvard Girls basketball team scored 91 points in a NCAA Game. Wasn’t that wild? I haven’t seen a group of White Girls score that many times since Tiger Woods went into sex rehab. Isn’t that something?

And speaking of sports ladies and gentlemen, how about those Detroit Red Wings fighting for the final spot in the NHL playoffs. Isn't that something? I truthfully haven't seen any team fight so hard since Steve McCarty called a guy "fat ass" in the middle of a Russo's Produce softball game. Wasn't that wild when Rick said he felt cartilage after punching the first basemen in the nose? 

Happy Valentine's Day ladies and gentlemen.