ll, it’s July and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be spending their Summer Vacations laying around the house. Just thinking of those Lazy Hazy Freeloaders makes my butt burn more than the time I mixed up the Preparation H and the Ben Gay. These kids nowadays don’t know how to have fun. When I was a kid, we left the house in the morning and didn’t come back until the street lights came on. If you want to find your kids nowadays, just look on the couch or in their bedroom. We had lots more fun when we were kids.

These Video Game Good for Nothings love playing the “Fortnite” game so they can sit on their butts and have make believe fights with their friends on the Internet. When I was a kid, we’d go outside and have real life battles with our friends. We’d play Smear the Queer, Hide the Belt, and Red Rover, Red Rover. Sure we end up with bruises, belt marks, and welts on our head, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And you can bet those Role Playing Rejects will be playing games like “Magic the Gathering,” “Settlers of Catan,” and “World of Warcraft.” When we were kids, the only role playing we did was when my brother Mike wrote a Z on an undershirt with Magic Marker and pretended he was Zorro. Sure Mike would run through the neighborhood making the letter Z on the sidewalk with a stone that writes, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And those Smartphone Phonies will be sitting on the toilet playing lots of games on their iPhones like Bubble Cloud, Candy Crush, and Angry Birds. Fiddle-Fooey! When we were kids, we had real toys in the summer. All we had to do was hook up the hose to the Slip N Slide or the Water Weenie and we would have fun for hours. Sure, it usually ended with someone Slipping and Sliding into a fence or getting hit in the eye with the hard plastic Water Weenie, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

So, you let your kids stay planted on their keisters, but I’m going to have an old fashioned summer, like we used to. I’m getting a whole pack of undershirts and El Markos from K-Mart and then I’m going to find a bunch of the neighborhood kids and teach them how to play Hide the Belt and Smear the Queer. And then if their parents haven’t called the police by then, I’m gonna show them my Water Weenie.

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