Well, it’s February and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be moaning and complaining about how cold it is. Just thinking about those Winter Wimps makes me more incensed than the hospitality suite at a Yanni concert. When I was a kid, winters were colder and we were tougher.

Those Lazy Lunkheads will be complaining because they have to spend 10 minutes clearing their driveways with a Snow Blower. When we were kids, we would be outside for hours trying to clear the driveway with a rusted Snow Shovel. My brother Larry even tried hooking a Snow Shovel up to the front of his Chevy Vega to make a Snowplow. Sure, when he hit a crack the snow shovel handle punctured his radiator and caused thousands of dollars of damage, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And these Winter Whiners will be complaining about how cold it is while dressed in their Down Filled Snowmobile Suits, IsoToner Gloves, and Thermal scarfs. When I was a kid, we went out in the snow with a cheap windbreaker with a broken zipper, gym socks on our hands, and a ski-mask. Sure the Ski-Mask smelled like Vick’s Vapo Rub, Dried Snot, and Doritos, but we didn’t care we loved it.

And these Recreational Rejects love the winter sports.  Oh they will be Snowmobiling, Ice Skating, Cross Country Skiing, and even Snow Boarding. When I was a kid the only thing we ever did was sled down hills at Rouge Park.   And we didn’t need any fancy schmancy equipment either.  We used Garbage Can Lids, cardboard boxes, and cheap plastic discs. One time my Dad went down a hill in a plastic boat wearing a trench coat, and a fedora, while smoking a Pall Mall cigarette. Sure the boat tipped and he went flying down the hill, but we didn’t care we loved it.

So you Snow Storm Softies complain all you want about how cold it is outside. And while your complaining, I’ll be outside in a wind breaker with gym socks on my hands trying to get a snow shovel out of my radiator. Does anyone smell Doritos?