Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' 9323,
Not a creature was stirring, except for me -- I had to pee;
The stockings were laid on the table with care,
In hopes that Santa Claus soon would be there;
My brothers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of unwrapped presents danc'd in their heads,
The neighbors gone and the highball glasses put away,
Mom and Dad had settled down and then hit the hay

On the way downstairs to relieve my bladder,
I also wanted to see what was the clatter.
But first the bathroom toilet I had to find
Ridding myself of Towne Club, I opened the blinds

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should peek,
And see Mr. Maggard taking Cokie out for a leak,
On the driveway in his bathrobe, he slipped
I knew in a moment it wasn't St. Nick.
So I flushed the toilet and checked the tree,
And went back to bed, nothing to see.
Later that morning, my dad's booming voice came
We pretended to be sleeping as he call'd us by name:
Wake up, Michael, Dennis, Ricky, and DJ, oh!
Now, Larry, Kelly, Jerry and Steve-o!



We flew down the stairs, bounced off the wall
With joy we played with our toys 'till nightfall
Ignoring visitors, even one who put on a show:
"How much is that doggy in the window."