ll, it’s Christmas and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting all of the latest toys and games from Toys R Us. Just thinking about those Greedy Gifters, burns me more than testing 9-Volt Batteries on my tongue. When we were kids we had way better toys waiting for us when we woke up on Christmas Morning.

You can bet all those Social Media Slobs will be getting lots of Selfie Sticks this Christmas. Oh great, now I can see pictures of those grandbrat’s duck faces from 5 feet away. When we were kids, my brother Dennis got a Super 8 Movie Camera. Sure every movie looked like the Zebruiter Film in black and white with no sound and our relatives waving at the camera while eating baked beans in the grassy knoll. Sure we had to set up a projector, screen, and hide in the basement to see the movies but we didn’t care, we loved it.

And you can bet those Technology Tweens will all be getting Smart Watches. Now instead of yelling at them when it’s time to wake up, eat dinner, or do their homework, I can schedule a set of Text Message reminders for them. When we were kids the only jewelry I ever got was a Slinky stuck on our wrist. Sure we got tangled up in lead-coated metal toys, but we didn’t care we loved it!

And you can bet those Creative Curmudgeons will be getting all kinds of electronic arts and crafts. They’ll have the iPad with the matching iPencil. It’s enough to make me want to iPuke. When we were kids the only art we got was a Spirograph, which was a needless elaborate pile of plastic protractors, pins, and pens that you had to use to make an ink drawing that looked like a Hippie’s Biorhythm Chart on an extra-critical day. Sure, within one week, there would be plastic parts and pins all in the carpeting and my Dad would steal the pens for the Crossword Puzzle, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

So you go ahead and spoil your rotten kids with a bunch of Fancy Schmancy new fangled toys. And while you’re logging into your Apple IDs and your downloading Apps, I’ll still be trying to get this stupid Slinky off of my arm.
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