Well it’s May and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be standing in line at all kinds of Amusements Parks. I can picture those Roller Coaster Rejects going to Cedar Point, Magic Mountain, Six Flags over Cincinnati, Disneyland, and even Kings Island. Those Thrill Seeking Throwaways makes my head spin more than 3 rides on the Tilt-A-Whirl. We had way more fun when we were kids and went to Edgewater Park.

These Amusement Park Pipsqueaks love to see all of the dressed up Characters running around the parks. They’ll be getting pictures with Bugs Bunny, Snoopy, Mickey Mouse, and even the Blues Brothers. When we were kids, the only character we had at Edgewater Park was the ride operator who was hippie wearing bell-bottoms and a Jethro Tull T-Shirt. Sure, he had bad skin and was missing 3 fingers, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And those Fun Park Phoneys have to go on all the “death-defying” rides with safety belts, restraint bars, and protective padding. At Edgewater Park, the Roller Coaster track was made out of old painted wood with Dry Rot. And the seat belt was a giant rusty chain that hooked onto the Aspestos seats with a giant S-hook. Sure one time my Dad and Aunt Joan got stuck on the Wild Mouse for about 5 hours, but we didn’t care, we loved it. 

And you can bet those Gourmet Goofballs will be eating all kinds of fancy food at these amusement parks, “Ewwwwww. I’d like a chicken salad, a slice of goat cheese Pizza, with a Commemorative Cup and a Crazy Straw for $300.” Fiddle Fooey!! At Edgewater Park you got a choice of two things. You could get a hot dog, or you got nothin’! Sure you had to eat your hot dog while fighting off bumble bees and yellow jackets, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

So you keep taking your kids to these rotten overpriced fancy schmancy Amusement Parks. This year, I’m taking my kids into my backyard and we’re going to build an old fashioned Amusement Park like we used to have. I’m going to put them in a rusty wagon, put a giant chain around them, and push them into a yellow jacket nest and see how they like that!