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 ll it’s November and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready to spend Thanksgiving Day sitting on their keesters and watching the “new and improved” Detroit Lions play the Green Bay Packers. Just thinking of those Football Freeloaders makes me more mad than Jim Schwartz after an over- aggressive handshake. Football was much better when I was growing up.
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These Detroit Lions today have really long names like Ndamukong
Suh, Isaiah Ekejubah, and Kyle Vandenbosh. When I was a kid the Lions had simple one-syllable names like Mel Farr, Bill Gay, Joe Schmidt, and Dick Lane. In fact, Dick Lane’s name was so short they had to call him “Night Train” to make it longer. We had simple names and we didn’t need to call a U.N. Translator to find out a swear word that rhymed with a crappy players name. Sure
one-syllabled Chuck Hughes died in a game, but at least it was easy to spell in the obituary.
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And these Ford Field Fuddy Duddies will be showing off their Fancy Schmancy Stadium on Thanksgiving Day with their Executive Suites, Big Screen TV’s, and Comfy Couches. When I was a kid, the Detroit Lions played their games at Tiger Stadium. Sure after they got tackled on the snowy, muddy infield , you couldn’t read their numbers and we would be freezing in a seat behind a pole drinking hot chocolate, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!
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And these Network Nincompoops have lots of fancy things to make the game easier to watch on TV. They have a yellow line for the first down, a blue line for the line of scrimmage, a red line for the red zone, and a big white arrow to show which way they are going. Great, my TV is now a $1,500 Etch-a-Sketch. When I was a kid, we didn’t need no fancy colored lines for the first down. We had my Uncle Bud on the Chain Gang who was usually two sheets to the wind from drinking high balls to stay warm. Sure he and his buddies would stagger diagonally across the field to measure first downs, but we didn’t care, we loved it!
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So while your kids are watching the Thanksgiving Day Football Game,
one-syllabled James Jones and I are going to drive to Tiger Stadium, drink some high-balls and then roll around in the mud. And then we’ll have a Thanksgiving Game like we used to!! Happy Thanksgiving!
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