ll nowadays, everyone of these McCarty Grandbrats has their own fancy schmancy Smart Phone. Believe me, there is nothing smart about the phones or those rotten Grandbrats. Just thinking of those Technology Twits makes me more sore than Dana McCarty’s texting thumbs. When we were kids we didn’t need cell phones and we were better off for it.

Oh those Lazy Loafers love to sit on the couch and text their friends. “R U There?, W8, OMG, LOL, LMAO,”. Well I’d like to text them an FF for Fiddle Foey!! When we were kids, we didn’t text or call our friends, we just went over to their house, stood on the porch, banged on the aluminum screen door, and screamed their name to come out and play. Sure, sometimes their parents would turn the hose on us to shut us up, but we didn’t care we loved it!!

And these Photo Felons love to take pictures of their friends with their Smart Phones. Listen kiddies, your parents can barely stand you and they definitely don’t like your friends, so what makes you think we want to see a bunch of pictures of you AND your friends? When I was a kid we had real cameras and if you wanted some film developed you’d have to drive to the Fotomat, which was a little booth in the middle of a parking lot where some creepy guy making minimum wage sat there and looked at everybody’s pictures. Sure most of the Fotomat clerks ended up being serial killers, but we didn’t care, they developed our pictures for $5.99.

And these Gaming Good for Nothings love to play the Angry Birds game on their cell phones. When we were kids, we didn’t need cell phone games. We’d just go outside and throw rocks at crows and we had real Angry Birds. We threw rocks at birds, squirrels, telephone poles, and each other. My brother Mike spent 6 years as the Mysterious Stone Thrower of Sussex until he went to college and the stone throwing stopped. Sure we’d get hit in the leg with stones while walking through the alley, but we didn’t care we loved it!!

So you let your little grandbrats have their stinkin’ Smart Phones but as for me, I’m taking my kids’ phones away. From now on, they can communicate with their friends the old fashioned way. I’m going replace their cell phone with one good sized rock which would be good for throwing at birds, throwing at the screen door of their friend’s house, or protecting themselves from the creepy guy at the Fotomat.

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