From Your Friends At
The McCarty Metro

I AM THANKFUL
By Mike McCarty

Thanksgiving is a time to pause, look back on your life and offer thanks for, well, the big things AND the little things that have helped to make you the man/woman you are today. Looking back to when I was growing up on Sussex Street in Detroit, here are some of my moments of gratitude:

1. I am thankful that I did not have to sit on the piano bench for Thanksgiving dinner.
2. I am thankful that my body was strong enough to endure 16 encyclopedias stacked on it in a feat of strength.
3. I am thankful that I never knew there were other vegetables besides corn and carrots, because those are the only two that count.
4. I am thankful for the White Castles and ribs that Dad would bring home on special occasions.
5. I am thankful for all the school reports Mom typed for me. All my brothers are grateful for this one, too.
6. I am thankful that I was not killed or maimed while catching Wally Modelski's fastballs while wearing no protective equipment.
7. I am thankful that, after catching one of Wally's fastballs, the little kid who saw my puffed up, bloody eye at the drinking fountain did not require extensive counseling.
8. I am thankful that I was not expelled from the George Ford Safety Boys after I got into fight with another safety boy. We breached protocol, failing to take off our belts for the fight, which was witnessed and reported by an indignant woman.
9. I am thankful for Soupy Sales, Catain Jolly, Poopdeck Paul, Milky the Clown and Johnny Ginger.
10. I am thankful that I survived the Saturday afternoon horror spectaculars at the Atlas theater.

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep. The leftovers beckoned, the dark meat and white, but I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation. So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore. I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground. I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees. Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.

10 SIGNS I ATE TOO MUCH FOOD LAST THANKSGIVING

10. Lots of volunteers from New Orleans started to stack sandbags around me.

9. My doctor told me my weight was perfect... FOR A MAN 15 FEET TALL!

8. I'm actually the one responsible for the slight shift in the earth's axis.

7. My friends nicknamed me Papler.

6. I decided to take a little nap after dinner and woke up in July.

5. The world's fattest man sent me a telegram warning me to "back off!"

4. The cashier at McDonalds told me I really didn't need to super-size my order.

3. Getting off my couch required help from the Clinton Township Fire Department.

2. While shopping on Black Friday, every escalator I stepped on grinded to a halt.

1. I was sweatin' gravy!

CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT

A child of four could plainly see, the envelopes below are "hermetically sealed" and have been kept in "a mayonnaise jar in Jean McCarty's refrigerator since November, 1999. Carnac will ascertain the answers to the questions in those envelopes. Click on the envelopes to view the question
.

CARNAC'S ANSWER .	CLICK ENVELOPE .
I'm stuffed! - So am I !
Zinc
A turkey
Hobble Hobble
Foiled again
Just a little bit of dressing

Do you know how much this would cost in a fancy restaurant?
The downfall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breaking up of China