• DATELINE: CHRISTMAS NAME DRAW
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  The annual Christmas name draw was held online on video. Witnesses to the drawing were Mike, Jerry, Steve, and Margaret. Here are the results...
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  Mike drew Steve Karen drew Kristen Dennis drew Jerry Rick drew Larry

  Larry drew Rick Kelly drew Dennis Margaret drew Kathlene Jerry drew Kelly

  Kathlene drew Margaret Steve drew Mike Kristen drew Karen .

• DATELINE: TEXAS PHONE POLL
  The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."

• DATELINE: GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
  Mike McCarty has become ensnarled in a fashion controversy in Grand Rapids, all because of this Oct. 29 photo. Missy gave birth to Brayden McCarty on that day, and Ryan brought Brayden's siblings, twins Luke and Mia, to the hospital dressed in their Halloween costumes. In the picture, that's Luke holding onto Grandpa Mike, whose big rip is showing in his jeans.
  
  So far, Mike's fashion-conscious family has described this picture as:
  
  -- Indigent man hangs around little kids in the hospital.
  -- L'il Luke with banjo player between gigs.
  -- The Tiger and The Unemployed Man Down On His Luck.
  -- Brady's Brother and The Tramp.

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• DATELINE: ESTERO, FLORIDA
  Spending time down in Florida over Thanksgiving, Steve, Kristen, Megan & Jenna all enjoyed their vacation. The temps were in the 80's for the most part, and the family went swimming every day. When asked about the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, Steve McCarty said he ordered the Grouper.

DATELINE: METRO OFFICES
The Metro got their annual Christmas card from Tiger Woods

• DATELINE: GRAND RAPIDS
  Here is a picture (to the right) of a bluegrass jam Mike McCarty and  "a friend" had on November 28th, 2009. This picture was snapped while the duo were playing the huge hits, "Boil Them Cabbage Down" and "Cripple Creek." Mike reports that it sounded smooth! Several of his neighbors totally disagree with that review.
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• DATELINE: METRO OFFICES
  Recently, Margaret McCarty spotted a red fox just outside the Metro office. This sighting, although not seen by your Metro editor, was confirmed by several of the McCarty Metro neighbors. In a related story, the suspected sightings of a Grady, a Lamont, and an Aunt Esther are still unsubstantiated.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

• DATELINE: H1N1 UPDATE
  Everyone in the cleaning industry has always been told that hand dryers in restrooms are not sanitary, they spread germs and bacteria around. I always thought that this just came from the paper companies because they are losing sales to the hand dryers. A couple of years ago, I was working with a rep, and I noticed that after he washed his hands and noticed that there were no paper towels, only a hand dryer, he left the restroom with wet hands. I asked him about it. He said that hand dryers blow a lot of germs and bacteria around. He also told me to take a look under the hand dryer next time I was in a restroom.

There is a filter underneath the hand dryer that is supposed to be cleaned on a weekly basis. I looked at one and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years. It had layers and layers of caked on gunk (disgusting). Since then I will not use hand dryers in restrooms. Now this is where the story gets really interesting. The schools and universities that have had the H1N1 (swine flue) outbreak this year are being told by the health department that they have to take out all of their hand dryers and replace them with towel dispensers because the hand dryers are spreading disease. Please pass this along so everyone knows not to use hand dryers, and tell them you read it in the McCarty Metro 

I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also September 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. By the way, Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco.
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Lou Filippo, 83, boxing referee and judge, member of the World Boxing Hall of Fame, and appeared in several Rocky movies. Carl Ballantine, 92, actor (McHale's Navy). Ken Ober, 52, comedian and game show host (Remote Control).

• DATELINE: GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS
  Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.

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He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out. About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that thesnake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now, the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake! The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. And that's when he shot her.

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