The McCarty Metro - The Readers Speak

WE GET EMAIL...

Dear Editor: I tried contacting my Congressman to investigate this annual bogus Christmas Name Draw farce that has been going on far too long. Apparently they are busy screwing the taxpayer and can't investigate. So my question is: What is the gift limit and is it payable in pennies? -Gift Wrapping a Bucket of Pork Cracklin's
ED NOTE: Sounds like the annual motto from the Sour Grapes Club. The limit is $20 dollars, and yes, your gift can be in Penneys, and for that matter, Sears, Macy's or any fine department store will do.

Dear Editor: Lots of people turned out in Grand Rapids for Sarah Palin's book tour. I want to get published, too. What do you think my chances are? My working title is "Going Rogaine." -Mike
ED NOTE: I guess that is a better title for the book than your first chapter which is entitled "I can see Kentwood from my backyard"

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Dear Editor: I was speaking with a friend, who asked who all the McCarty brothers were. I said: Michael, Dennis, Ricky, Danny, Larry, Kelly, Jerry, and Steve. My friend then asked, "Why is it Single Syllable Steve?" I didn't have an answer for him. Can you help? -Double Syllabled and Proud of It
ED NOTE: You are not totally correct Larz (Larz... 1 syllable... hmmm), as I believe Steverino has actually 4 syllables.

Dear Editor: I was appalled with the Thanksgiving greeting sent out by the McCarty Metro. First, Eddy & Butters were not wearing pants. Who is in charge of quality control on materials being sent out. Second, I did not receive my invitation to the Metro Thanksgiving Party. What gives? -Pantless in Seattle
ED NOTE: First, I allow Eddy and Butters to walk around the house pantless all the time. Thank goodness Margaret (content editor and photog) didn't get me in the picture too (the pets aren't the only ones who walk around pantless). And second... last years' "Possum Pie Surprise" has earned you the non-invite. For future reference, make sure the animal is dead, and not just stunned from your car hitting it on your way up from Tennessee. SURPRISE!!!!

Dear Editor: So the McCarty Family got an award for holding a golf outing where people gamble and a poker tournament. You also have an annual trip to Las Vegas. I'm giving 3 to 1 odds that you got a problem. -Out of Luck and Out of Money
ED NOTE: You would lose that bet. However, Steve O and I have come up with a sure-fire way to guarantee that you'll leave Vegas every time with a small fortune. The first step is to go there with a large fortune.

Dear Editor: Please help! The other day, I went to work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid. I am a wreck and need advice urgently. -Beatrice
ED NOTE: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.

Dear Editor: I attended the last Predators / Wings matchup in Nashville in which the Preds won 3-1. Normally I root for the Preds, but when the Wings come to town, I'm Red & White. What should I have said to a good friend who said to me: "You put on these false impressions of being supportive of our very own Nashville Predators team, but when the Detroit Deadwings come to town, YOU TURN INTO A TRAITOR! Where I come from, we call people like you PREDWINGERS. Make up your mind. Or as they say down south, get off the pot or poop! But the truth remains, you talk out of both sides of your mouth. You can't tell blue from red." Is it wrong to root for 2 teams? If I am cut, do I not bleed red and eventually turn white and pass out? -A Nashville Predwinger
ED NOTE: I realize living in Tennessee, that toothless hockey players and toothless fans make a great match. However Predwinger... splain to that cowpoke friend of yours that you can actually put your teeth back in! HOCKEY TOWN, BABY... GO SWEDEN!!!
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METRO READERS SPEAK OUT

Submit your rants, praises, & observations to reply@mccartymetro.com

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This year, you may be wondering about the carbon equation of a Christmas tree. You may have replaced the old incandescent Christmas lights and their crazed, fragile bulbs with strands of L.E.D.’s that turn from green to blue. You may have given each other newly planted trees on the edge of the rain forest or traded the promise of future services with your friends.
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This may be the Christmas when you wonder, or are forced to find out, just how much of the material Christmas you can leave behind. It may be the one that redefines Christmas entirely — for better or worse.

If you look back at the photos of Christmas 50 years ago — not that long a time, really — you can see what a simple place it once was. What you wanted for Christmas was a very short list of possibilities, and what you got was usually the single most possible thing on the list, plus a few of the articles your mother thought you needed. The intent was the same as it is now, more or less, but the means were so much fewer.

You may be finding a way to a new and simpler Christmas this year, but that was once the usual kind of Christmas. What it comes down to, perhaps, is saving Christmas from the idea that Christmas will save us — that the shopping we do this season will keep the economy afloat or give us the buoyancy we need for the coming year.

But, really, Christmas needs no saving. It does not exist apart from what we make of it. And, on its own, it cannot save us, though it contains the gestures of generosity and thankfulness that are halfway to being a better person, a richer community. Christmas is all the better for being a simple place, nothing more, perhaps, than two red cardinals, male and female, against the backdrop of a snowy field. They are there every day. The only difference is that today it feels like Christmas..