The McCarty Metro - Jerry's World

Well it’s Christmas Time and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for the holidays. I can just picture those Noel Nincompoops now making all of their preparations and having all kinds of fancy schmancy parties. Just thinking about those Fa-La-La Losers makes me more wired than the electrical outlet behind Grandma McCarty’s Christmas Tree. These kids today don’t know how to have a good Christmas.

I can picture those Decorating Dorks now with their inflatable Santa Clauses blowing all over their front lawns. They’ll have so many of those inflatable decorations that it will look like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When we were kids the only outdoor decorations we had 30 feet of Ivy that my dad would buy at Frank’s Nursery and staple on the house and put a spotlight on it. Sure we’d end up putting a couple staples through our fingers but we didn’t care, we loved it!!!

And those Gourmet Goofballs will be showing up at Grandma McCarty’s house with all kinds of Christmas Cookies. They will bring over plates of cookies with lots of red and green sprinkles on them. The only thing worse than the taste of those sprinkles, is how scary Uncle Kelly looks walking around with a bunch of red and green sprinkles in his teeth. And what are those white things that taste like you just bit into a bag of flour? When we kids, we only had one kind of Christmas Cookie, and they came in a tin container and all tasted exactly the same. Sure the cookies were usually broken by the time you opened the can, but we didn’t care, we loved it.


+	*BOB McCARTY'S SECRET HOLIDAY HIGH BALL RECIPE*
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And those Liquored up Losers will be serving all kinds of Christmas Drinks. Oh they’ll have their Apple Cinnamon Cosmopolitans, Peppermint Martinis, and Candy Cane Cocktails. When we were kids, if you visited our house you got two choices of drinks. You got a High Ball or you got nothing! I don’t even know what was in a High Ball, but knowing my dad, it was probably Towne Club Pop and some Whiskey that someone gave him a couple years before. My dad didn’t need to be bothered making fancy drinks, with fancy garnishes. He’d make a High Ball, throw a Maraschino Cherry in it and you were done! Sure, we never knew if our Uncle Bud was feeling tipsy or just got sick from the Maraschino Cherry Juice, but we didn’t care we loved it!

So you have your fancy Christmas parties with the Grandbrats. As for me I’m putting an inflatable 10 foot tall Uncle Bud on my lawn with a big spotlight shining on it. And he’s gonna be holding a High Ball in one hand and a tin of crappy Christmas cookies in the other.

Merry Christmas!!