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Well it’s September and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be going back to School. Now I have to sit around and listen to them talk about their “Cool Teachers”. Just thinking about those Idiotic Instructors makes my butt hurt more than sitting on a Number 2 Pencil. Our teachers were way better when we were kids.

These Techno Teachers nowadays have Multi-Media Classrooms. All that means is that while my kid is watching a boring video, the crumby teacher is playing Doodle Jump on his iPhone. When I was a kid we had Mr. Woodruff who was a science teacher who would go to a Meat Packing Plant and get a dead pig lung, throw it on his desk, and inflate with a Crazy Straw. Sure one kid would puke and then it would start a chain reaction puke, but we didn’t care we loved it! 

And these Jerky Gym Teachers nowadays teach the kids Hip Hop Dancing and Aerobics. When I was a kid all we had was thick rope that we had to climb while our gym teacher, Mr. Komblevitz, would stand below us in a windbreaker and yell at us. Sure Mr. Komblevitz was balding and drove around in a beat up van with curtains on the windows but we didn’t care we loved it! Because he was also head of the Safety Boys!!

And the Newspapers are filled with stories of these Freaky Female teachers who have sex with their male students. When we were kids we didn’t have problems like that because we had good teachers like our science teacher Rose Korinski. Mrs. Korinski weighed about 280 pounds and smelled like sulfur and egg salad. The only thing we were worried about with her was that if she ever farted near a Bunsen Burner. But we didn’t care, we loved it!!

So you go ahead and leave your kids with depraved, new age, geeky teachers, but as for me, I’m putting my kids in the MCSS, the Mobile Charter School System! It’s run by Mr. Komblevitz who drives around in his beat up van with curtains on it. Hey wait……… Maybe that’s not such a great idea…… Nevermind.

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