Now that the summer is
over, the Metro decided to share with its readers what everyone was up to this past
Mike, Karen and family: Mike got Woodstock fever. Karen wouldn't let him go to upstate New York so while Karen and the kids were in Arcadia, Mike let the sprinklers run all night and allowed the neighborhood kids the next day to slide around in the mud while he played "Little Red Riding Hood" on his acoustic guitar. Says Mike, "It was an entire weekend of peace, love, and kool-aid".
Dennis: The 3 B's. (beaches, babes and
Rick and family: Got awfully
D.J.: Doing the "Golf" thing and playing his favorite game "Operation" (or was it playing his favorite game "Golf" and doing the "Operation" thing...it varies from summer to
Larry and family: The familys' 5 year training program has finally paid off. They placed 3rd in the Lebanon Triathalon. They started poorly in the
compulsarys (horseshoe game and hog call). Carla made up ground in the Possum Pie tasting contest, but what really put them near the top was the big production number at the end of the show. The whole family tap danced and sang to the theme of Petticoat Junction while Larry shot off fireworks in the middle of the
Kelly, Margaret: Vacationed in the French Riveria while the kids enjoyed the slopes in the Swiss Alps. Rosie (their dog) has been seen hob-knobbing around tinseltown with
Jerry: Was a victim of this summers biggest tradgedy. No, not the Clinton Crime Bill, were talking about the infamous Jim Muer Oldsmobile Hostage
Steve and Kristen: Heard about a great car repair shop in Ohio so they decided to check it
Mom: 5 words. Bee Eye And Gee Oh !!!!!!
STRIKE? WHO CARES?
these prissy and pompous polecats persist in pugnacious
pugilism with their onerous occurrent owners as they
pirate the proverbial pasttime in front of a pulchritude
public, it makes me want to puke. Sufferin' succotash,
my speaker is stuck in alliteration mode!
Bbbbbbttttthhhh! There, that's better!
the subject of the baseball strike. When I was a kid,
I'd give my right arm (and sometimes I did) just to lean
against a fence with nothing more than my Ray Oyler
glove and a pair of short pants just to have Modo throw
80 MPH hardballs at me. I didn't ask for money or even a
cup. It was my pleasure to act as a backstop to a
20-something has-been just to get close to the game that
Abner Doubledare invented some ten million years ago. In
fact, when Yogi Bear said that it was a game of inches,
I like to think he was talking about me protecting my
manhood in front of that fence at the park. I know I was
way more interested in getting a new Louisville Slugger
and going to the park than in going to school which is
why I ended up at MSU.
prima-donnas nowadays have to have everything handed to
them on a silver platter or else they won't play. They
get million dollar contracts, babes, endorsements, cars,
babes, TV appearances, babes, movie roles, babes, free
chewing gum, babes, babes, and more babes. These guys
get everything and we don't get anything except the
chance to pay more for a seat after these jerks come
back! Well I'm not gonna wait for this to happen. I'm
starting a league in direct competition to these guys
and I figure that if I get enough of a following, we
might be the ones to get the big money and the babes.
So, I'll be placing calls to all the former members of
the Coyle Park teams asking whether they want to return
to their former glory at the plate. Tom Brown was
interested until I told him it wasn't the dinner plate.
Now I don't want anybody to give up a good paying gig
(like Boog Nivala at ACO Hardware), but if you want to
take a chance at the big time, give me a call. By the
way, if anybody has the Jascots phone number, please
pass it on to me.
McCarty Dudes! I'm still enjoying my most excellent
summer vacation. As an extra special treat I went to one
of those Indian Casinos in Michigan. It was totally cool
until I got thrown out but before I did I had a great
time. I'm not sure exactly why I was thrown out, but
here's a few things they might have been upset about.
* I told
the pit boss he looked like Crazy Cat from F-Troop.
* I started laughing every time someone called
* I got in an argument with the roulette guy over what I
considered to be an "odd" number.
* I accidently spilled my Big Gulp on the poker table.