THE BEST OF
From Our
November 2004 Edition
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its Thanksgiving and that means the Detroit Lions will be
playing football. I can picture all of those McCarty
grandbrats sitting in front the TV wearing their replica
jerseys and eating their 7-layer dip. Just thinking of
those football phonies stretches my patience more than the
elastic waistband on John Madden’s boxer shorts. |
Those
pigskin prima donnas have to have these fancy schmancy
televisions. “Ooooh I want a 78” big screen television
with surround sound, TiVo, and picture in picture.” Fiddle
Fooey! When I was a kid we had a 19” TV and if the game
was blacked out we had to go to get reception on the 14”
black and white TV upstairs. My dad would play with the
rabbit ear antennas to try to get reception on Channel 3
from Cleveland. He would attach aluminum foil and coat
hangers until we could see the game. And when the picture
came in, everyone had to freeze in that position, so my dad
could watch the game. One time I watched the entire game
while having one hand on the TV antenna and one hand on the
windowsill. We used to watch the game through snowy static
and listen to it on the radio, but we didn’t care, we
loved it!
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And
nowadays you have to listen to John Madden babbling about the
game and using a telestrator to show you what is happening.
When we were kids we had our own fat broadcaster Van Patrick.
Van Patrick weighed twice as much as John Madden and you
couldn’t even understand him because he would usually be
eating something during the game. He didn’t need no
super-imposed fake line to show the line of scrimmage, he’d
just say “The ball is at the 47-yard line, awww let’s just
call it the 50.” We had mumbling sports announcers and they
didn’t need to draw lines on the screen to make us
understand the game.
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And
those gambling grandbrats will be betting on the game
worrying about over - under or how many points they are
getting. When I was a kid, the only gambling my dad did was
buying a $1 square from Bob Block for the game. That game
paid $25 per quarter, which is less than these losers today
spend on the 7 Layer Dip. My dad would be calculating how
his numbers would win, which usually meant the Lions getting
a touchdown and missing the extra point or getting two
safeties. And if he got close, my Dad would start calling
Bob Block on the phone to make sure he had the right
numbers. |
So,
this
year don’t sit in front of your big screen TV and watch the
game. Instead unplug your cable and try to get reception the
old fashion way and listen to the game on the radio. And if
you can’t figure out the score, just give Bob Block a call.
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