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THE BEST OF
From Our October
1993 Paper Edition
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 ll,
the 1994 new car models will soon be out, and you can bet that
every spoiled McCarty kid will be begging their parents to
buy a new Mercury Villager, Dodge Intrepid, or a Neon. I'm
hotter than the radiator cap on Danny's old Ford Galaxy
over the way these kids today are so spoiled.
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Nowadays,
kids have to ride around in those shiny new minivans. "Ohhh,
we need to have a lot of leg room because we're tall!"
When I was a kid, I had to ride in the hatchback of my dad's
Vega! I had
about as much leg room as Herve Villachez's pants.
A lot of times it was a choice between the spare tire
and me, and unless my Dad felt lucky, I didn't go. But we
didn't care because we were happy to get a ride when we
could, and we learned to love it!
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And
how come everyone has to go to these wimpy 5-minute oil change
places. When I was
a kid, my Dad didn't have to pay some greasy kid named
"Leon" $14.95 to change the oil and call him
"sir". My Dad used to change the oil himself. He
would go outside, swear for about an hour and a half, and then
come in to get band-aids for his hands.
But he got the oil changed and he did it himself and he
loved it! And he sure didn't need to run around squirting
spray oil on the doors and checking the tire pressure.
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And
these cars today are so complicated. You got to have some
pencil-necked computer geek to fix’ em. "Oh, I think
the controller board on the computer sensor has had a
malfunction". I
wonder if his sensor could sense my foot sticking in his
butt! When I was a kid, cars were cars and if it didn't
start, you stuck a screwdriver in the butterfly. Cars were
simple to fix and we fixed 'em ourselves and we loved it. |
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So,
don't waste your money on these new cars. American cars were
fine until the Japanese convinced us to change 'em into some
kinda spaceships. Look in the classifieds and find yourself
a real good, pre-1980 car. While everyone else is driving
with their climate-controlled sissy-mobiles, you can be
cruising with the windows down and blaring your 8-Track
tapes with a screwdriver sticking out of your engine. |
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