I am so proud of my teaching skills. Here is the final exam I gave my child. He got a 100%! Take that, public schools!

Q1. World History - In which battle did Napoleon die?  his last battle 
Q2. US History - Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?  at the bottom of the page 
Q3. Chemistry - River Ravi flows in which state?  liquid 
Q4. Life Skills - What is the main reason for divorce?  marriage 
Q5. Common Sense - What is the main reason for failure?  exams 
Q6. Foods & Nutrition - What can you never eat for breakfast?  lunch & dinner 
Q7. Foods & Nutrition - What looks like half an apple?  the other half 
Q8. Geography - If you throw a red stone into the Red Sea what will it become?  it will become wet 
Q9. Life Skills - How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?  no problem, he sleeps at night 

DATELINE: ESTERO, FLORIDA

A Florida alligator completed a golf foursome yesterday... sort of.

Marc Goldstein and his two playing partners were surprised when they saw the gator grab his golf ball after an errant shot. The group was playing at Pelican Sound Golf Club in Estero when Marc hit his ball near one of the ponds. He started recording with his cell phone when it became apparent the gator wasn't giving up the ball. His golf buddies erupted in laughter as the gator slid back into the water. There's no word if Marc got a mulligan after that.

ED NOTE: My brothers and I will be on that course in a couple weeks. I heard the gator was also the one who took Chubs hand?

After 5 months, 17 regular season games, 3 playoff rounds, plus the Super Bowl itself on February 7, our McCarty Metro Pigskin Pickem game has crowned a new champion. Big Frank, from Pittsburgh, PA came from behind and bested the 34 other players. Frank's 150 points (picked the winner Tampa Bay and 10 of the 15 prop bets) in Super Bowl 55, was matched by Lake Speed and Plagueis, and was enough to beat the field, as he jumped from 4th place to the championship. Tom Hoenicke and Linda finished second and third on the season. You can check out the final standings on our Pigskin Pickem page.

themccartys on Tik Tok has grown it's following over 400,000 people in the past 30 days. In our February issue, we reported that they had 2.7 million followers. Currently, they are now over 3.1 million. Congratulations to Kevin, Stephanie, Audri and Braxton on this accomplishment. If you haven't seen their posts yet, download the Tik Tok app and search for themccartys and follow them. They also have an on-line store with some McCarty swag. The link is below.

HOW DO THE STIMULUS CHECKS HELP THE ECONOMY?

It is a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit. A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.

CORNED BEEF & CABBAGE
An Irish staple for St. Patty's Day

Submitted by Margaret

Ingredients:

4 lbs corned beef

1 head cabbage

carrots

Directions:

Cover 4 points of corned beef with boiling water in a kettle and bring back to a boil. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Drain, and cover with fresh boiling water and simmer until the meat is tender. DO NOT BOIL!

Cut 1 head cabbage into 8 wedges. About 15 minutes before the beef is done, add the cabbage and carrots. Continue cooking uncovered for the 15 minutes. Serve it hot with Kristen's smashed potatoes and a little mustard on the side. Makes 8 servings.

SMASHED POTATOES
The perfect side dish for St Patty’s Day Corned Beef

Submitted by Kristen

Ingredients:

1 bag small potatoes

Olive oil

Pepper

Garlic salt

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Boil unpeeled potatoes until fairly tender. Drain and pat off excess water from potatoes with paper towel. Put potatoes on a cookie sheet lined with non stick foil. Use a glass or dish or something to smash the potatoes. Try and get all potatoes to be about 1/4-1/2” thick.

Drizzle with olive oil. Add garlic salt & pepper to taste. Put in oven for 25 minutes or until browned and crispy. Serve with ranch dressing. Yummy!

Irish sisters, Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.