ll, it’s December, and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for Christmas. Just thinking of those Noel Nimcompoops makes me nuttier than Charley Manson eating a Snickers Bar. We had way better Christmas’s when I was a kid.

These Christmas Cretins will be getting these new fancy Hover boards for Christmas. They’ll be wearing protective knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, and helmets. When I was a kid, all we got was a Sled for Christmas. That sled was made with wood with sharp metal runners on it and we would get splinters, metal slivers, and all kinds of other injuries, but we wouldn’t think of wearing any helmet. One time, my dad even went down the hills at Rouge Park wearing a trench coat, a fedora, and dress shoes. Sure he wiped out and ended up with snow all down his pants and boxer shorts, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And these Video Game Vermin will be asking for Nintendo’s Ultimate Super Smash Brothers which means that they will control the Television for the next 6 months and their keisters will be parked on the couch while I want to watch basketball games. When we were kids we the closest thing that we got to a video game was the Lite Brite. That Lite Brite had little chards of glass that you would stick into a piece of black cardboard to make a picture. Sure, those little pieces of glass would get lost in the carpeting and if you were barefoot you would get impaled with them, but we didn’t care, we loved it. 

And you can bet those duplicating dummy’s will be getting expensive 3D Scanners and 3D Printers, so they can make a bunch of useless plastic stuff that they download from the internet. It’ll take them 3 hours to 3D Print a Star Wars Logo and then it will sit on a shelf in their room. When I was a kid we had the Creepy Crawler Maker. You’d put pieces of plastic in a mold and then turn on a 550 watt light bulb. Sure we’d scar ourselves with the burnt plastic and if you looked directly at the bulb you’d be seeing Creepy Crawlers for weeks, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

So you spoil your little Holiday Hooligans and give them all the latest and greatest presents for Christmas. And after your kids get tired of playing with those new fangled toys, send them to basement where they will sit with my broken Light Bright, a Rusted Sled, and my broken Creepy Crawler Maker with a missing light bulb.

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