ll, it’s March and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting their keisters driven all over the place by their crappy parents. I can just picture those Chauffeured Shysters now getting driven from here to kingdom come. When I was a kid, we drove around with our parents and we had way more fun than these rotten kids today.

I can picture these Fragile Freeloaders now sitting in their car seats with double restraint and special neck padding until they get 5 years old or 105 lbs. When I was a kid, we didn’t need no stinkin’ car seat. The youngest kid sat on the bench seat between my Mom and Dad and we didn’t even need a seat belt. If we stopped fast, my dad would stick out his right arm and that straight arm would keep you securely in your seat. Sure, sometimes he’d be smokin’ and we’d get hit with a bunch of cigarette ashes, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And these Info-tainment Idiots will have screens built into their headrests because God forbid they should travel 3 blocks without watching some rotten Disney DVD that they’ve already seen 100 times. When I was a kid, the only entertainment we had was counting garbage cans or playing “My Name is Andy, I live in Albuquerque and I sell Apples”. Sure, it was more entertaining for me watching my Mom & Dad ask each other if they looked good while my Dad rotated between cigarettes and Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum and my Mom was blotting her lipstick by smacking her lips on a piece of toilet paper, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And you can bet those Comfort Crazed Cruisers will be having lots of leg room in their fancy schmancy Mini Vans with swivel captain chairs. When we were in my Dad’s Station Wagon, he’d put 5 kids in the middle row. They were packed so tight in there, that one time Michael asked Dennis to throw an apple core out the window and Dennis fell out of the car. Sure, nobody said anything to my Dad because they liked the extra leg room, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

So, you get in your Sport Utility Vehicle and drive your rotten kids all over the place. And while you are having your vehicle scented with Pina Colada or New Car Fragrance, I’m going to have an old-fashioned scent put in my car. It’s gonna smell like Pall Mall Cigarettes, Aqua Velva After Shave, Wrigley Spearmint Gum, Aquanet, Apple Cores, and tears. And then we’ll drive around and have a great time, like we used to!!