ll, it’s March and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for Easter. Just thinking about those Spoiled Spring Sprogs makes me hotter than the water that we boiled the Easter Eggs in. Easter was way more fun when we were kids. 

You can bet these Dyed-Egg Derelicts will be using the water-safe food coloring dye on their Easter Eggs. Those eggs will have about as much color as the National Hockey League. When I was a kid we used the toxic oil-based chemical dyes that you would put in water and swirl your egg around in different colors. Sure most of the eggs turned out black and our fingers would have dye on them for about 4 weeks, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And these Basket Buffoons don’t even have to search for their Easter Baskets. Their Baskets will be sitting out in the open for all the world to see. When I was a kid, our Easter Baskets were hid, because if they weren’t, those crappy brothers of mine would wake up and eat all of my candy. I’d look around for about 2 hours and then when I was exhausted, broken down, and rolled up in fetal position crying, my Mom would tell me it was in the Milk Chute, the Clothes Dryer, or the Laundry Basket. Sure we were broken like Guantanamo Terrorists, but we didn’t care we loved it!! 

And those Pathetic Parents will be filling the Easter Baskets with health conscious treats like Real-Fruit Juice Sugar-Free Fruit Roll-Ups and Oat Bran Bars. When we were kids, our Easter Basket were filled with loads of sugar candy that would rot your teeth out. First of all, we had the Solid Chocolate Rabbit that you would break your teeth on and then we had Peeps, Jelly Beans, and Chocolate Crème-Filled Eggs. Sure all the candy was covered with strands of that plastic green grass but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

So while you losers are eating your pastel colored eggs and sugar-free candy, I’m going to have an Old Fashioned Easter like we used to! I’ll be sitting in the corner bawling my eyes out, picking green plastic grass out of my teeth and ripping off loud, toxic, Hard Boiled Egg farts!

.

.