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Season
2012
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The First 13 Days
This much
we do know, it's a new season, and the Detroit
Tigers are off to a good start, defeating the
Boston Red Sox on Opening Day at Comerica Park
and rolling to 9-4 record through April 19. And
play-by-play announcer Mario Impemba and his
sidekick, Rod Allen, are already in midseason
form with obscure baseball jargon, twisted
grammar, curious cliches and, well, take it away
Rod and Mario! |
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"You can
see him visibly with his mouth moving." --
ROD
ALLEN
on April 15 vs.
the White Sox, pointing out that apparently:
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| A. Outfielder
Ryan Raburn forgot to take his invisible pills.
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B. There was a fly ball, and Raburn called off
infielder Ramon
Santiago, and made a nice play.
C. Raburn's jaw works.
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IN
A ROW
IN A ROW
MARIO
IMPEMBA:
"The
Red Sox have gotten the leadoff runner on the last
four consecutive
innings." |
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OPENING
DAY:MORE EXCITING THAN WATCHING SNOW
MARIO:
"This is the most anticipated day at Comerica Park since
the Tigers were eliminated last year by the Rangers."
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IT'S
OPENING DAY,
AND MIME OR TELEPATHY WON'T DO
ROD:
"Lamont
is going to verbally talk to Avila."
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WHY
THE TIGERS NEED AUSTIN JACKSON
(OR RESTAURANT PERSONNEL)
ROD:
You have to have someone set the table, so the big fellas can
eat.
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EASTER
Game
3, Tigers 13, Red Sox 12, April 8, 2012
The theme for
Easter Sunday: Agree incessantly with each other. It's
Bobblehead Day. Play ball!
ONE
GOOD INDEED DESERVES ANOTHER
Rod:
"Nice job by (Tigers pitcher Collin) Ballester as
well."
Mario:
"Indeed."
Mario
(After a homer puts Boston in front, 9-7): "It's
been a wacky one today."
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Rod:
Wacky indeed."
Rod
(After Avila's homer wins it): "What a
finish!"
Mario:
"What a finish indeed!"
AND MORE
VALIDATION
Mario:
"That ball traveled well."
Rod: "It
did."
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Rod
(after a Cabrera homer): This might be the year he
wins the MVP.
Mario:
You're right. You're absolutely right.
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Rod
and Mario aren't the only show in town. Former Tigers
outfielder Craig Monroe joins the Tigers post-game
show this year.
THE
MONROE DOCTRINE
CRAIG
MONROE:
"Well you can't control winning all the games.
What you can control is winning series. And the Tigers
won the series... and that's why they won the
series."
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HUH?
Rod:
"He's a quality guy in the clubhouse. His other three
qualities are above average."
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ALL
OR *
Mario
(on Boston's pitcher): "He's throwing 'em all for strikes
almost."
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DREW
SMYLY PITCHED, SO A FAN DREW A SMILEY FACE, SO...
ROD:
"They say smiling is better for your health."
MARIO:
"Sure beats frowning, doesn't it?"
And a few
pitches later, armed with anatomical knowledge, Mario answered
his own rhetorical question:
MARIO:
"It takes 43 facial muscles to frown; it only takes 17 to
smile."
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MIGUEL'S SPLIT
PERSONALITY
ROD: "Cabrera and Cabby, they both feed off
one another." |
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APRIL 15 IS APPLES
AND ORANGES DAY
| ROD:
"Speaking of Avila, how about the job Gerald
Laird did yesterday?" |
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WHEN YOU CAN'T
FIND A PROVERB FROM BEN FRANKLIN OR CONFUCIUS:
ROD (on April 18):
"As Jim Leyland
likes to say, 'Show me a third base coach that never, ever
gets anybody thrown out, and I will show you one that's not
very good.'"
TELL ME ANOTHER
ONE, JIM
ROD (on April
19): "As Jim
Leyland would say, 'This is the big leagues.'" |
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A BIG LEAGUE
SKILL: FITTING A WOMAN'S BRA
ROD: "Napoli,
one of those lift-and-separate kind of guys."
(NOTE: Rod did not
explain what he meant, but "lift and separate" is
commonly known bra fitting method) |
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A FASTBALL?
EVERYBODY SAY "CHEESE"
| ROD: "Johnny
turned on that piece of cheese." |
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