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DATELINE:
WASHINGTON, DC
Austin McCarty joined tens of thousands of people who got together on the National Mall in Washington on Saturday with comedians Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was mostly a good-natured riot — a laugh riot, that is.
The crowd packed the mall from the U.S. Capitol to the Washington Monument; 16 blocks of people anxious to see their political guru Stewart and his supposed conservative nemesis, Colbert. Stewart had to block Colbert from trying to get the crowd to kneel before him.
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SIGNS SEEN AT THE
RALLY
-Unemployed Man
"Fight the Power, after lunch"
"There's nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders"
"We're here in support of beer"
"Hyperbole is destroying America."
AUSTIN
SIDE NOTES TO THE TOM-TOM GPS COMPANY
Tom-Tom really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood. Also,
I wish Tom-Tom had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
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DATELINE: METRO
KITCHENS
Chuck Pottenger lends this turkey recipe that also includes the use of
popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When Chuck found this
recipe, he thought it was perfect for people like himself, who just
are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not
dried out. Give this a try.
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Preheat
oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter salt,
and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in
baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen
for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door
open and the bird flies across the room, it's done. And, you
thought Chuck didn't cook. |
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- DATELINE: NORTHERN
MICHIGAN
Larry Wendt is gearing up for another deer hunting season.
Larry says that hunting is hard, but it is tough work, but he
still enjoys the thrill of the hunt.
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....
Dear Editor: Because of the nation's economic miseries, will there
be any changes to the annual McCarty gift draw this year? -Mike
ED NOTE: Until we hear further whether Obama is going to throw
some bailout money our way, the Christmas draw is on hold. I will
be attending a two hour conference in the Caribbean on this
subject, so I will be gone the entire week.
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Dear Editor: I
just got in from watching "Social Network" and saw that Facebook
is worth $25 Billion. I was curious, what is the worth of the
McCarty Metro? -Planning
a lawsuit in Tennessee
ED NOTE: Considering the subscription rate is NOTHING, my annual pay is
NOTHING, all my reporters make NOTHING, I think you can guess where I'm
going.... The Metro is PRICELESS
| OTHER IMPORTANT METRO
NEWS |
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IMPORTANT
CARDIOLOGY NEWS If
you are having a heart attack, I did not know that you should not lie down while waiting for the EMT.
Here is some new info that you may not know. It is serious stuff, and
not a joke. Just a reminder to all: purchase small boxes of aspirin.
Keep one in your car, pocketbook, wallet, bedside, etc. Something that we can do to help ourselves.
Also good to know that Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue. They work much
faster than the tablets.
.
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Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.. The majority
of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake
up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.
If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water .
Afterwards : CALL 911. Tell them you are having a heart attack
and that you've taken 2 aspirins. Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
and take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and... DO NOT
LIE DOWN Tell all your friends that you read this in the
McCarty Metro. You could save a life. |
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DATELINE: US LICENSE
BUREAU
The government doesn’t know when to quit!
Check your Driver's License. I already removed mine. I suggest you all do the
same. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including
your own! I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all! Thanks
Homeland Security! Go to the web site, and check it out. It's unbelievable!!!
Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your
license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove."
This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. Please
notify all your friends so they can protect themselves too. Believe me they
will thank you for it. http://www.license.shorturl.com
DATELINE:
MIDDLE EAST
Metro reporter DP says that life in the Middle
East has changed significatly since he left a year ago. He reports that dating
sites like Taliban Singles Online have been popping up all around. DP has even
emcee'd several fashion shows since coming back. However, he points out after
doing Achmeds winter collection show, that there are only so many ways that he
can say "Hchptwee is really working that black burka with a full Arabic
Dishdasha."
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DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD
The McCarty Metro
is sad to report that actor, Johnny Sheffield, 79, who swung with ease from tree to tree as Tarzan's son Boy in Johnny Weissmuller movies, died last week. He fell off a ladder while pruning a palm tree. Here are some headlines that newspapers may want to use:
BOY DIE !
BOY FALL, HIT GROUND HARD !
BOY CLIMB LADDER, THEN 'UNGAWA' !
BOY JOIN TARZAN, JANE IN GREAT TREE HOUSE IN SKY !
BOY NO MORE !
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| GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
IN OCTOBER, 2010 |
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Johnny
Sheffield, 79, actor (Tarzan Finds a Son!, Bomba, the Jungle Boy, Knute Rockne All American), heart attack.
Barbara
Billingsley, 94, American actress (Leave it to Beaver). Tom Bosley, 83, actor (Happy Days), heart failure.
James MacArthur, 72, actor (Hawaii Five-O, Swiss Family Robinson), natural causes.
Maurice Lucas, 58, basketball player (Portland Trail Blazers, Los Angeles Lakers), bladder cancer.
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DATELINE: HEAVEN
AND HELL
While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
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The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.." So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing
the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..
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Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."
Vote
wisely on NOVEMBER
2, 2010
See You Back In December
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