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Dear Editor: I was visiting my local hot tub in Valencia, California
and I found an empty bottle of Johnny Walker Black, and a really large
pair of swimming trunks. What gives? -Kathlene
ED NOTE: Things might have gotten a little crazy down by the
hot tub. I think with some therapy, Dana will once again be able
to overcome her screaming night terrors.
Dear Editor: I just heard Kelly McCarty became an ordained
Minister. Can he perform a circumcision? -Rev. Ronnie Jozwiak
ED NOTE: CAN I? If you got a bottle of Johnny Walker Black and
a signed personal injury waiver... We can
talk!
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Dear Editor:
I loved the photo of Larry McCarty with the 5 girls dressed up
like Santa Claus. I guessing these were not Tennessee Girls for a
number of reasons. 1) They were no "Critters" around. 2)
None of them had a jug with "XXX" on it 3) Tennessee
girls usually don't drool over a guy like that unless it's their
first cousin. -Just Wonderin
ED NOTE: Ok... I get it... A little knock against the south. I will have to
stand up for Lar here... First of all, they are not critters...
they are animals, and they are licking out of the punch bowl.
Second, no jugs with XXX, just old Clem's famous white lightning.
And finally, the girls are no relation, however, Larry did promise
them all a ride in is Chevy Vega. |
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Dear
Editor: Would
you change my subscription to my new email address on your mailing
list? Also,
does the new boss know you always need a couple days off to finish
up the Metro? -MP
ED NOTE: I guess she doesn't as she is not a
subscriber of the McCarty Metro.
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If you would like to
submit your rant, please send it to reply@mccartymetro.com
This month's Speak
Out is from Tiger Woods
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To the Metro readers. I
wanted to share with you the first draft of my television apology...
To my wife, I'm sorry. I
messed up but I'm not changing so you'll either need to put up with this
crap or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup....sorry.
To my fans, get over it.
What I do in my personal life is none of your business. If you care....sorry. I don't need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you'll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop
putts that you couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis. |
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To the media. You
jerks are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my butt for all those years and then ripping me every chance you've had since Thanksgiving.
Flip all ya'll. I'm glad I don't have to take the time to sit and answer the same
bullcrap questions over and over again.
To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian butt! You mothers come out ripping me when I've put more
flippin money in your pockets than you could count. You think anyone's been paying to see
Jesper-flipping-Parnavik? What the flip!!!! I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it's going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my
bee-atches.
That's all I got today folks.....see ya at Augusta !....Oh and Bambi, if you're listening I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.
I will be taking no
questions.... |
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