• DATELINE: DATELINE: ROYAL OAK, MICHIGAN
    The 3rd annual DMGC Texas Hold em Poker Tournament & Chili Cookoff took place on February 18 at the Royal Oak Elks Club. A great crowd of nearly 100 players vied for the championship. All enjoyed a great evening of eating, drinking, talking and laughing. The event is the first of 2 DMGC events held annually. The second is the June DMGC Golf outing. The events are held by the Lupus Alliance of Michigan and sponsored by the McCarty family and attorney J.B. Bieske. Thanks to Chuck Pottenger, the entire Lupus staff, and everyone else for making the McCarty Party a great time. Nearly 100 players and we raised almost $14,000 for charity in one night!!!!!!

  • DATELINE: CLINTON TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN
    Kelly McCarty was officially ordained as a minister to the Universal Life Church Monastery on January 30. Although still a practicing Catholic, the Reverend Kelly McCarty can now legally perform all cleric rites including marriage, funerals, and anointings according to the State Of Michigan. ED NOTE: I also do gay weddings

  • DATELINE: WEDDING BELLS
    Metro subscriber, Shannon Toner, and boyfriend Jonas Kubina announced their engagement on February, 27. More details to follow. The McCarty Metro would like to congratulate the happy couple.

COMING UP...
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THE 2010 D.M.G.C.
Dan McCarty Golf Classic
To Benefit The Michigan Lupus Alliance
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Saturday, June 5, 2010
Twin Lakes Golf Course
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To Register, Call
1-800-705-6677
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or
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Go Online to www.milupus.org

  • DATELINE: AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
    How will they ever get the golf course ready for this years' Masters Tournament. So much for global warming.
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  • DATELINE: A COMEBACK?
    After 25 years out of the musical spotlight, Brad Savage is in the process of reviving is career by working toward a possible comeback to the stage. As the leader of the 1980's rock band, Brad Savage & The Cockroaches, Brad had an ensemble of 5 other talented musicians. The new plans are for Brad to tour the local Detroit area as a solo artist. Many people are anticipating the return, and legions of fans who are clamoring for the return of songs like Cockroach Party, 3 Stooges Rock & Roll, and Swimming In The Secretarial Pool will have to get used to a new style. Brad will only tell the Metro that the return is scheduled for mid to late summer 2010, but the music will be a complete reversal of the songs he co-wrote with Eric Swan and Bob Dantzer. As soon as we get more info to share on the return, we will definitely keep you posted.

A hole was found in the nurses shower room at the Detroit Medical Center. Security officer Rick McCarty has been on the scene and is looking into it.

Jerry McCarty recently traveled to an Alaskan Island where he thought he saw an eye doctor. Jerry reports that it just turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 

  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from a boy in Megan McCarty's algebra class because it was deemed a weapon of math disruption.

  As mentioned above, the Reverend Editor Kelly McCarty warns all McCarty Metro readers NOT to join dangerous cults. His advice is to practice safe sects!
BEN AROUND THE BLOCK

-Ben
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THE McCARTY METRO INVESTIGATES...
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...THE SMART CAR

Buy a Smart Car 4 great gas mileage! Save money and the environment at the same time. To the right is a photo of an accident near New Orleans involving 2 trucks and a Smart Car. Personally, this Metro investigative reporter thinks he'll pass on saving gas. He'd rather save his ass!
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THE REAL NEWS

BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU WARNING

With the US Census process beginning, the Better Business Bureau (BBB) advises people to be cooperative, but cautious, so as not to become a victim of fraud or identity theft. The first phase of the 2010 U.S. Census is under way as workers have begun verifying the addresses of households across the country. Eventually, more than 140,000 US Census workers will count every person in the United States and will gather information about every person living at each address including name, age, gender, race, and other relevant data. The big question is - how do you tell the difference between a U.S. Census Worker and a con artist? BBB offers the following advice:

  • If a US Census worker knocks on your door, they will have a badge, a handheld device, a Census Bureau canvas bag, and a confidentiality notice..

  • Ask to see their identification and their badge before answering their questions. However, you should never invite anyone you don't know into your home.

  • Census workers are currently only knocking on doors to verify address information. Do not give your Social Security number, credit card or banking information to anyone, even if they claim they need it for the U.S. Census.

  • REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ASK, YOU REALLY ONLY NEED TO TELL THEM HOW MANY PEOPLE LIVE AT YOUR ADDRESS.

  • While the Census Bureau might ask for basic financial information, such as a salary range, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION. The Census Bureau will not ask for Social Security, bank account, or credit card numbers, nor will employees solicit donations. Anyone asking for that information is NOT with the Census Bureau.

  • AND REMEMBER, THE CENSUS BUREAU HAS DECIDED NOT TO WORK WITH ACORN ON GATHERING THIS INFORMATION. No ACORN worker should approach you saying he/she is with the Census Bureau.

Eventually, Census workers may contact you by telephone, mail, or in person at home. However, the Census Bureau will not contact you by e-mail, so be on the lookout for e-mail scams impersonating the Census. Never click on a link or open any attachments in any e-mails that are supposedly from the U.S. Census Bureau. For more advice on avoiding identity theft and fraud, visit http://www.bbb.org/

PLEASE SHARE THIS INFO WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND TELL THEM YOU SAW IT IN THE McCARTY METRO

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN IN FEBRUARY, 2010

Jack Brisco, 68, professional wrestler, complications from open heart surgery. Caroline McWilliams, 64, actress (Benson, Guiding Light). Doug Fieger, 57, musician (The Knack) and brother of attorney Geoffrey Figer, lung cancer. Jim Bibby, 65, baseball player (Pittsburgh Pirates). Alexander Haig, 85, politician, Secretary of State (1981–1982), complications from an infection. Andrew Koenig, 41, actor (Boner on Growing Pains), suicide. 

Uncle Larry
Lawrence Robert Schmelzer, age 75, of St. Clair Shores, Michigan passed away on February 10, 2010. He was born on January 30, 1935 in Detroit, Michigan. Dearest husband of 50 years to Nan. Loving father of Gina, Teri (Bill) and Julie "Do". Proud grandfather of Shayne, Kellie, Sam and Kevin. Dear brother of Margaret, Jean, JoAnne, Jack, Richard, Chris and the late Tom. Also survived by many loving nieces and nephews. Lawrence was a Korean War Army Veteran and a Pension Member of IBEW Local 58. Cremation was handled by the St. Clair Shores Chapel of Bagnasco & Calcaterra Funeral Home.

Uncle Bill
With solace, William J. Rzepka began his journey home to our Heavenly Father. He joins his Beloved wife of 63 years. This Polish immigrant was a man of impeccable character, which was exemplified by his kindness, love, and pride of his heritage and new country. Having served in World War 2, he worked tirelessly to provide the American dream for his wife and 5 children. These attributes can easily be seen through his legacy of 11 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. Actively living his Catholic faith, Bill Rzepka chose the vocation of dedicated husband, father, and grandfather and American patriot. He will always be lovingly remembered with that infectious smile. The funeral mass was held at 11:00 Tuesday, February 16 at Church of the Holy Family in Grand Blanc, Michigan. Memorial contributions are preferred for Faith Hospice in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

AND FINALLY

OFFICIAL LETTER FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA TO METRO READERS

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, I am directing Congress to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be R.A.P.E'd can apply to Congress to be considered for the S.H.A.F.T. program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been R.A.P.E'd and S.H.A.F.T.ed will be reviewed under the S.C.R.E.W. program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be R.A.P.E'd once, S.H.A.F.T.ed twice and S.C.R.E.W.ed as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been R.A.P.E'd could get A.I.D.S. (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have A.I.D.S. or H.E.R.P.E.S. will not be S.H.A.F.T.ed or S.C.R.E.W.ed any further by Congress. Persons who are not R.A.P.E.'d and are staying on will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of S.H.I.T. they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T., please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

SEE YOU BACK IN MAY

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