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To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah
night before last 2009-05-27 at 1:43am. I
was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you
demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the
knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this rather
important message.
First,
I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my
pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not
that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911
45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you
agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed
at your head ... isn't it?!
I
know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I
made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your
buddies to come help mug us again].
After
I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank
as well as those of four other people in the gas
station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big
motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I
gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made
his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink
"pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...
after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed
the entire driver's side of the car.
Later,
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell
phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I
only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what
's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two
threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to
the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible
target. The
FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In
a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you
... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish
you well as you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you
have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in
life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have
a good day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
P.S.
Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a
more civil society! |
