May and that means those little McCarty Grand Brats will
be getting carted all over suburbia to go play with
their friends. Just
thinking of those Fun-starved Freeloaders makes me more
hopping mad than Mel Gibson on a trampoline.
When I was a kid, if we wanted to have fun, our
parents sent us to Coyle Park and they didnít see us
until the street lights came on.
We had way more fun than these kids will ever
I can just picture those Bouncing Bozos now renting a Bounce
House to put in their backyard for their next crappy
birthday party. And
everything has got to be ďSuper SafeĒ with the kids
bouncing on an air mattress in their socks.
Then, the ďCool MomĒ will have one too many Pinot
Grigios and climb into the Jumpy Castle.
When I was a kid, if you wanted to play on a Castle
you went to the Cheese Castle at Coyle Park.
The Cheese Castle was a cement structure in the
middle of the park and you could scrape your knees just by
looking at it. Sure,
there were lots of exposed rebar on it from the Smokers
blowing off M-80s in the Cheese Castle Windows, but we
didnít care, we loved it!
And you can bet those Spoiled
Spelunkers will be going to Gymboree to get adult
supervision while they walk on a balance beam over a padded mattress
and wearing a helmet. When
I was a kid, we had the Slide at Coyle Park.
That slide was gigantic piece of stainless steel and
weíd bring some wax paper so we could go even faster down
that slide. Sure, that
slide would heat up to about 240 degrees on a hot summer day
and there would be broken Coke bottles and rusty nails at
the bottom of it, but we didnít care, we loved it.
And those Hungry Hooligans
canít go 2 minutes without having something to eat, so
they will have to go to Chuck E. Cheese and fill up on Coca
Cola and Crappy Cheese Pizza while they listen to the
Animatronic Band play some homemade Happy Birthday Song so
they donít have to pay royalties.
When I was a kid, if you got hungry at Coyle Park you
had to hope the Good Humor Truck came by, and if he did, you
could get the ďGloriousĒ Bomb Pop for 25 cents which was
a beautiful Red White and Blue Popsicle that looked like it
was blasting from the side of the Good Humor truck.
In reality, it had freezer burn and it would melt and
fall off the stick before you finished it, but we didnít
care, we loved it.
you take your crappy kids to all these fancy schmancy places
and be sure to bring plenty of bottled water for the trip.
As for me, Iím heading to Coyle Park and Iím
going to have an old fashioned fun day like we used to.
And if I need some water after running away from the
Smokers, I bet the Coyle Park Drinking Fountain still works
just like it used to. That
means it either will shoot out about 15 feet or it will
trickle out of the spout and Iíll have to practically put
my lips on it to get some water.
But, I wonít care, Iíll love it!!