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THE BEST OF
From Our December,
2017 Edition
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it’s Christmas, and that means those little McCarty grandbrats will be getting all of the latest and greatest toys. Just thinking about those holiday hooligans hurts my butt more than sitting on a Christmas ornament hook. We had way better toys when I was a kid, and we were better for it!
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I can picture those Noel nitwits opening up their presents this year. “Ohhh, I got the 3D Doodler Pen so I can make 3D objects when I draw”. When I was a kid, all we had was the Busy Buzz Buzz Pen. That pen had a battery in it that would make swirls and circles. Sure we got tired of playing with it after a week and then my Dad used it to clean out his ear wax, but we didn’t care, we loved it.
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And those festive fools will be getting holiday themed Fidget Spinners with reindeer and elves on them. When I was a kid all we had was a snow globe. You turned it up and set it down and it looked like it was snowing inside the globe. Sure one of my brothers would hit it with a plastic dart and it will fall to the ground leaving glass shards and toxic liquid all over the floor, but we didn’t care, we loved it.
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And I’ll bet one of those holiday halfwits will get an expensive drone that they can fly all over the neighborhood and it will have Go Pro camera on it so they can monitor it from an iPad. Fiddle Fooey! When I was a kid all we got was a Slinky. The Slinky was a coil of 22-gauge razor wire that was supposed to walk downstairs. In the commercial they showed that Slinky walking downstairs and ramps. In real life all you could do was make it go from one hand to the other until you got bored or it got tangled up. Then all you had was clump of tangled razor wire and a bunch scars on your hands from wire cuts, but we didn’t care, we loved it! |
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So you go ahead and buy your kids all the latest toys that they’ll play with for 3 or 4 days and then never touch again. As for me, I’m going to have an old-fashioned Christmas like we used to. And my kids are going to have carefully navigate their way to the Christmas tree, while dodging broken snow globe glass and tangled up
Slinkys. And if they make at that far, all they are going get is a Bic banana pen with a battery taped to it.
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