ll, it’s September and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready to go back to school. Just thinking of those pitiful pupils makes me more wired than my 9th Grade project for Basic Electronics. School was much tougher when we were kids.

I can picture those technology twits now getting free iPads, USB Flash Drives free and lots of other free things from school. When my brothers Michael, Dennis, and Rick were in school they didn’t even give them swimming trunks in Swimming Class at MacKenzie High School. They had to swim in the nude. Sure they would have to swim the backstroke with one hand on their business, but they didn’t care they loved it.

And these lounging lazy loafers nowadays have lots of rest periods. They’ll have study hall, free periods, independent study, and teacher’s aide classes. When I was a kid my brother Kelly was the Audio Visual Captain at Parkman Elementary and he let me be his assistant. We got to go to the Audio Visual closet and sit on the shelves for an hour peeking through a hole at Mr. Corzine the janitor and having English Leather Cologne fights. Sure we’d leave that closet smelling like 45 year old Middle Eastern bachelors, but we didn’t care we loved it. 

And you can bet these community service suckers will be volunteering for all kinds of after-school activities. They’ll be in ROTC, the Science Club, and lots of other boring organizations. When my brother Dan was in 6th Grade they put him in charge of taking home kids that peed their pants in school. DJ had to meet the kids in their classrooms and then walk them home one at a time. Sure, he’d come home from school smelling like Urine and Tears but he didn’t care, he loved it!!

So you get your kids ready for their softy schools and lots of free giveaways. And if they have trouble trying to figure out how to print a paper from their iPad, don’t look at me, because I’ll be with my brother Kelly, the AV Captain, taking care of Film Strips, Opaque Projectors, Transparencies, and Movie Projectors. And if you smell something funny, it’s not me.

.