ll, its November and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for Detroit Lions Thanksgiving Day Football. Just thinking about those Pigskin Pansies makes me want to scream more than Aretha Franklin singing the National Anthem. Football was way better when we were kids.

Oh I can just hear those Fairy Tale Football Fools now picking their teams to make the game “more interesting” to them. “Ewww. I am drafting Vikings Field Goal kicker Blair Walsh, so I hope the Lions win, but Minnesota kicks a lot of field goals.” Fiddle Fooey! When I was kid, the only thing my Dad cared about was his $5 square in the Detroit Police Department's illegal football pool. Sure, my Dad would usually have numbers like 2 and 8 and he would call Bob Block every 15 minutes to double check his numbers, but we didn't care, we loved it!

And all of these Television Turkeys will be watching CBS Football with their 6 hours of programming with Howie Long, Terry Bradshaw, Michael Strahan, Mike Ditka, Jimmy Johnson, and 15 other people. When I was a kid, we only needed one announcer. Van Patrick did the game, pre-game, and the post-game on WJBK-TV. Sure he was usually tanked and when he took off his headset his toupee came off, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

And how about all of these Long Haired Losers playing professional football with their braided dreadlocks, flowing blond hair, and Samoan long locks. When we were kids the craziest hair we had was Charlie Sanders afro and Mike Lucci’s eyebrows. Sure after he retired we had to watch Mike Lucci doing Bally’s commercials with his back hair sticking out of his tank top, but we didn’t care we loved it!

So you sit on your keisters on your sofas and watch the Detroit Lions this year. And while you’re watching that, I’m going to watch tapes of an old-fashioned Detroit Lions Football Game. And I’m gonna watch incredible moments like Monte Clark losing, Wayne Fontes losing, Darryl Rogers losing, and Joe Schmidt losing.

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