Dateline Romeo, Michigan
The golf team of Rick-Kevin-Larry-Mike has two -- count em, two -- secret, mail-order weapons. The first is a Controller driver with a hitting face of armor-pierce metal, the hardest metal in golf. The ad says I might even drive over the green on some par 4's. Rick and Kevin bring to the table a new iron for approach shots. This club puts so much backspin on the ball that it will stop overshoots and and roll 'em right back toward the hole. Rick, Mike and Kevin are currently lobbying the golfing companies to merge their clubs so Mike's drives will automatically back up onto the green. But the team's best weapon is a non-mail-order surprise. It is Larry McCarty, who is bringing his natural, raw tee-off power -- along with his raw karaoke voice -- all the way from Tennessee. 

Dateline Left Coast
Mike and Karen McCarty took a trip to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. They flew to Seattle, then took a train to Vancouver, a ferry to Victoria, a ferry back to Seattle, and then ended up the trip flying to L.A. where Jerry and Kathlene showed the honeymooners a great time. Amazingly, the trip was accident-free for Mike, who only once fell backward off a ledge on the edge of an a sheer-drop overlook while trying to take a picture in Vancouver. Also amazingly, Mike only landed in a bush and did his best Maxwell Smart imitation when bouncing back up. We had a great time.

Dateline Shelby Township
The annual Fourth of July McCarty Picnic shifted to the Steve and Kristen McCarty house for the first time. The former hostess, Jean "Mum" McCarty, attended. Dennis McCarty and son Adam flew in for the event. The others drove to the scene. They included Rick McCarty and kids Erin and Kevin; Kelly and Margaret McCarty and their kids Brad, Austin and Chris plus Chrissie. The other Chris McCarty brought his parents, Mike and Karen, plus his sister Jill. And we can't forget the gracious hosts, Steve and Kristen plus Megan. There was lots of good food, talk, a few athletic contests and more, but nary a firework was shot off by the time Mike left.

Dateline Clinton Township
Kelly & Margaret would like to warn all of the Metro readers that Brad McCarty now has his drivers permit. All Mc's are cautioned to drive at their own risk. Actually, Brad is a pretty good driver. Here is a hidden camera photo of the inside of my van taken while Brad was driving.

Well, it’s summertime and that means the TV is going to be packed with lots of public service announcements about how to protect your little brats in the hot summer.  Just thinking about those summer sissies makes me hotter than the vinyl seats on my Dad’s Vega in the summertime. When I was a kid, we waited for summer all year long and we didn’t need no special rules to protect us.

You can’t turn on the television without some warning telling you not to leave your pet in the car with no air conditioning. We never had air conditioning in the car when I grew up and I would have to sit in the hatchback while we took a 4 hour trip in 100 degree heat to Cadillac. One time, I went shopping with my Dad, and had to sit in the hatchback with no open window while he went to Farmer Jacks, Chatham, and A&P trying to save 20 cents on a 6 pack of Old Milwaukee. I got so dehydrated; I had to drink windshield washer solvent to survive. Sure I peed blue for a week, but I didn’t care, I loved it!!  Because I was happy to go shopping with my Dad.

And these safety-conscious stupidos are always telling you to wear sun block.  When I was a kid we didn’t even know what sun block was. We stayed outside until our skin started peeling and then we came inside. The only lotion we’d put on was the Mercurochrome that we would put on our skin after it peeled so much we would start to bleed. We were a peeling, bloody, sunburned mess but we didn’t care, we loved it, because we didn’t have to wear no sissy lotion.

And don’t forget to give your kids plenty of water.  When I was a kid, we got water all the time. We played with the Water Weenie, the Slip ‘n Slide, and the Super Soaker. Anywhere there was wet slippery pavement you’d find us. And when that wasn’t fun enough for my parents, they put a 3-foot pool on our cement patio and sat and watched us dive into the pool head first. Sure we’d scrape our face on the bottom of the pool and get a concussion, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

Come to think of it, I had a great time as a McCarty Kid in the summer.  But what do I know I was just a peeling, dazed, dehydrated, soggy kid with a closed head injury.

JULY 4 RECIPES