Well it’s October and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for Halloween. And their rotten Overprotective Parents will be making lots of rules to make sure their kids don’t have any fun. Just thinking of those Jack-O-Losers makes me hotter than the top of my pumpkin after in caves in on the candle. When we were kids, our parents let us do what we wanted and we were better for it.

These Pathetic Parents nowadays get all nervous when their kids stray to far from home. “Ewwwww! Only go to houses on our street, it might be dangerous”. Fiddle Foey! When I was a kid we lived on a street with an alcoholic, a wife beater, a certified crazy lady, and some guy that would wake up at 2 AM and start playing a trumpet. I’d rather take my chances with strangers. Sure we ran into an occasional houseful of hippies playing loud music, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And you can bet those Dawdling Dads will be buying their kids fancy schmancy costumes with orange reflective tape on them so they look like a highway construction worker. When we were kids we wore dark clothes and full covered masks so no one would recognize us. Sure the plastic mask eyeholes were as small as a dime and we would almost pass out from the elastic rubber band that held the mask on, but we didn’t care we loved it!!

And these Nitwit Neighbors nowadays love to pass out healthy snacks. They’ll have Trail Mix, Pumpkin Seeds, Fruit Snacks, and Cereal Bars. They might as well hand out rolls of toilet paper to the kids. When I was a kid, we got sticky, caramel, chocolate, and peanuts. Sure we’d spend the next 3 days trying to get candy out of our fillings, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

So you Pampering Parents go ahead and give your kids a boring safe Halloween Night. And while your doing that, I am going to have an Old Fashioned Halloween like we used too! While your kids are sitting in their fluorescent suits and eating granola, my kids will be wearing plastic masks and walking all over town to get the real good candy. And they’ll love it!!!! Happy Halloween!!!