The McCarty Metro - Jerry's World

Well it’s May and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be wanting to get off their keisters and go outside. The only problem is that they just get up off the couch and then go lay around outside. Just thinking of those Idle Idiots makes me hotter than a Baboon sitting in Ben Gay.
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First those Techno-Geeks will be sending text messages to their lazy friends to ask them if they want to meet them at the mall so they can sit at the same table in the food court and text each other. When I was a kid if you wanted someone to come out and play you would walk over and stand outside of their house and at the top of your lungs yell, “JIM-MEEE! COME OUT AND PLAY – YAHHH!!” Sure most of the times their parents would come out and turn the hose on us until we left, but we didn’t care we loved it!!

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And you can bet those Caffeine Kooks will be going down to Starbucks on their scooters and getting an $8 Venti, Mocha, Frappachino with Whipped Cream on it. Fiddle Foey. When I was a kid me and my brother Kelly would go to Happy Jack’s Party Store on West Chicago Boulevard and for 32 cents we would get a big bag of Mary Janes, Squirrels, Chuckles, Dots, Black Jacks, and we would still have enough money to get a few packs of baseball cards. Sure we had to use the baseball cards to get the sticky candy out of our teeth, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!
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And when those Lazy Loafers get the idea to play outside, they sit and play their Nintendo DS games while standing two feet away from each other. The only injury they can get is a blister on their texting thumb. When we were kids we would play Red Rover and have a bunch of kids stand facing each other with interlocked arms and you’d call one kid at a time to try to break through. We’d always call the smallest, weakest kid so that we could straight-arm him and knock him on his butt. All the games we played were about picking on weaker kids: Dodgeball, Hide-the-Belt, Smear the Queer. Sure we’d end up with dislocated shoulders and scraped knees, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

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So you let your little grandbrats laze around all summer long. As for me, I’m taking Dana and Evan and get’em all wired up on Mary Janes and Squirrels. Then we’re gonna go play a game of “Red Rover, Red Rover, Send some Little Weak Kid Over.” And we’ll start with Evan’s best friend “AL – E – HONDROOOOO! COME OUT TO PLAY-YEAH!!!” Wow, that’s tough to say with a Mary Jane stuck in your teeth.

Have a great spring!!!
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