First off... How about that Gull Lake Golf Tournament that is held every year? Isn't that wild? I heard Kelly had such a hard time on the 16^th hole last year. People said they hadn’t seen that many strokes on one hole since Kirk Douglas and Dick Clark fell into the sewer. Isn’t that something?

And how about those new LeBron James basketball shoes?  Aren’t they something? I don’t think I’ve seen anything that ugly in a shoe since Kelly McCarty threw up in his Cowboy Boot after Utica Explodes 1. Isn’t that wild?

And how about that 6.8 Earthquake in Central Italy last month?  Wasn’t that wild? I don’t think I’ve seen Italians shaking that much since Dave Rozema threatened to kick John Russo’s ass. Isn’t that something?

And how about that Miss USA pageant. Wasn't that wild?  I never seen anyone make a more politically incorrect statement than Miss California about gay marriages since Kelly asked a black man in the Bahamas how he got so tan.

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And how about President Obama calling for the district attorney to investigate the Bush administration's use of torture against terror suspects. Isn't that something? I hear the first witness is torture survivor Larry McCarty who got sent through the rickets several times back in the Johnson administration. Isn't that wild?

And how about all those earthquakes in Mexico, aren't they something? I heard that the sign on Chris McCarty's Honeymoon Suite in Cancun, says "If the hotel is a rockin', don't come knockin'. Isn't that wild?

And how about those US Navy Seals rescuing that Captain from the Somali Pirates wasn’t that something. I haven’t seen a shot to the head like that since Creighton Ishi watched movies in the McCarty’s Basement. I wanna tell you, I haven’t seen a Pirate go down like that since Roberto Clemente’s airplane ran out of gas. Isn’t that wild?

Good night Ladies and Gentlemen, and... Thanks for the memories!