• DATELINE: DO NOT CALL LIST
  An alert to cell phone users.... You could start to receive sale calls. CELL PHONE USERS... YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS! To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for 5 years. You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number. HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.. or go to www.donotcall.gov
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• DATELINE: ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN
  Metro editor Kelly McCarty, along with reporters Steve McCarty and Jim Seeling, attended the annual Michigan / Michigan State football game on October 25. Jim scored some 2nd row seats on the 20 yard line. The trio mingled with the crowd at the tail gate, and enjoyed a competitive football game. MSU triumphed 35-21.

Kelly gets an exclusive interview with the U of M quarterback	Steve & Kelly (MSU) Jim & Joe (UM) put their differences aside
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The seats were awesome. Thanks Jim!!!	Kelly leaves via mo-ped with a possible 'NBC To Catch A Predator'

• DATELINE: MICHIGAN
  Michigan Law: The Michigan State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Detroit. For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

A week before my first day of   4th grade we, of course, got the name of our teachers. And I got the teacher I wanted witch was my 2nd grade teacher who moved to 4th grade because there was a spot open. My month of school has been going great. If you are wondering what I’m going to be for Halloween I’m going to be a chef  because our classroom has no bathroom in it, I don’t want to change in the girls bathroom! Also, my room got painted orange and I moved in to a bigger room, so now I can have one of my chairs that was shoved in a corner out, and now I use it a lot!

METRO FINANCIAL CORNER

• Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company. Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. It's a tough market out there. Be careful! 

DATELINE: WALL STREET
Here is a handy guide for Metro readers listing some favorite 2008 Financial phrases along with their meanings.
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CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex
VALUE INVESTING: The art o f buying low and selling lower
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
BROKER: What my broker has made me
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
FINANCIAL PLANNER: Guy whose phone has been disconnected
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $ 240 per share
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse
PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use

• DATELINE: SCHAGEN, NETHERLANDS
  Man Builds Noahs Ark (exact scale given in Bible) A working replica of Noah's Ark opened In Schagen, Netherlands. The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark was opened the first crowd of curious townsfolk to behold the wonder. Of course, it's only a replica of the biblical Ark, built by Dutch Creationist Johan Huibers as a testament to his faith in the literal truth of the Bible. The ark is 150 cubits long, 30 cubits high and 20 cubits wide. That's two-thirds the length of a football field and as high as a three-story house. Life-size models of giraffes, elephants, lions, crocodiles, zebras, bison and other animals greet visitors as they arrive in the main hold. A contractor by trade, Huibers built the ark of cedar and pine. Biblical Scholars debate exactly what the wood used by Noah would have been. Huibers did the work mostly with his own hands, using modern tools and with occasional help from his son Roy. Construction began in May 2005. On the uncovered top deck - not quite ready in time for the opening will come a petting zoo, with baby lambs and chickens, and goats, and one camel. Visitors on the first day were stunned. 'It's past comprehension', said Mary Louise Starosciak, who happened to be bicycling by with her husband while on vacation when they saw the ark looming over the local landscape. 'I knew the story of Noah, but I had no idea the boat would have been so big.' There is enough space near the keel for a 50-seat film theater where kids can watch a video that tells the story of Noah and his ark. Huibers, a Christian man, said he hopes the project will renew interest in Christianity in the Netherlands, where church going has fallen dramatically in the past 50 years. 

DATELINE: FOOD & DRUG ADMINISTRATION
E-Coli has been found in spinach. Here is Mike McCarty's artist rendering of the latest victim of this bacterial disease.

DATELINE: DETROIT, MICHIGAN
NEW MICHIGAN TORNADO POLICY... In the case of tornadoes sweeping through Michigan, the McCarty Metro is asking all subscribers to take shelter at Ford Field located at the heart of Detroit. We are fairly certain a touchdown will not occur there.

DATELINE: METRO HOMICIDE DIVISION .
Sources close to the McCarty Metro say that the victim was delicious and found in a pool of his own gravy!

DATELINE: CLINTON TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN
On October 26th, Metro reporter and bell ringer, Margaret McCarty, along with 2 other members from the St. Ronald Bell Choir, got to witness first-hand, a concert held by the Detroit Handbell Ensemble at St. Luke's Church in Clinton Township. The Detroit Handbell Ensemble is an ambassador for the art of ringing and performing with musical excellence both within and beyond the handbell community.  They are passionate about teaching and demonstrating the value of handbell ensembles in churches, schools and communities while improving their performance skills. Margaret was thoroughly impressed by the ringers at the concert.

Big Bird misses the Thanksgiving feast... Or did he??

DATELINE: WASHINGTON DC
With the Government bailout program, it will force many companies to merge in early 2009. Here are some investment tips for the near future. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2009: 

Hale Business Sys, MaryKay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and WR Grace will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker
3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood
ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa
FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild
Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants
Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang