- DATELINE: ROYAL OAK, MICHIGAN
The first ever Texas Hold 'em / Chili Cookoff to benefit the Lupus Alliance of Michigan was a smashing success. In all, 70 players vied for the top prize. The event was sponsored by JB Bieskie. Your Metro editor took 4th place in the Chili Cookoff with his 4 bean creation. (On a side note: there were 4 entries.... You do the math). At any rate, the Lupus Alliance made a lot of money in its' quest to find a cure. Thank you to everyone who attended, or donated to the event.
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DATELINE: MARYLAND
Sam plays Jesus, again! Yes, 5-year-old Sam McCarty just starred in a Maryland preschool production. He played Jesus in a boat, calming the people as seas raged. Sam received good reviews in his second role as Jesus. In his first, when he was a few months old, he played the baby Jesus in the manger. Sam was not available for comment. However, his manager, Edwin "Switfy" Pickarole insisted Sam is open to play all roles, not just the Savior. "Look, we don't want Sammy to be typecast," Pickarole told The Metro. "The boy has acting chops and he wants a role that will stretch him." So far, though, it appears religious roles are still beckoning. His next project has been rumored to be "The Little Engine That Could Goes Up Jericho Hill."
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- DATELINE: METRO ACCOUNTING OFFICES - STEVEN P. McCARTY
The proposed tax stimulus package that is to pump $152 billion into the economy, was passed by the house and senate. Below are the key components of the bill. As for the individual rebate checks, they intend on beginning to distribute them as early as the beginning of May. A more detailed analysis will be prepared and distributed shortly. Here are the Key Components of Economic Stimulus Bill
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Provisions for Individuals:
 Up to $600 rebate check ($1,200 for joint filers).
Flat $300 rebate check for any tax filer with at least $3,000 in earned income or tax liability of at least $1 in 2007.
$300 bonus for each dependent child.
Social Security income and federal payments to disabled veterans and their widows to be counted as earned income for the purposes of determining rebate eligibility.
Income caps to phase out rebates for individuals with an adjusted gross income of more than $75,000 or joint filers with an AGI in excess of $150,000. Bill trims total rebate by 5 percent for each $1000 in earnings over the cap. | Provisions for Businesses:
Businesses may expense up to 50 percent of value of capital goods placed into service in 2008.
Nearly doubles the maximum amount that businesses can write off under tax code Section 179 , from $128,000 to $250,000 during 2008, and raises phase-out threshold from $510,000 for 2008 to $800,000. Provisions for Housing/Financial Services Sector: Temporarily raises limit on government-sponsored enterprises conforming loans and Federal Housing Administration-insured loans to $729,750. |
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|  | Margaret McCarty shot photos of the moon from the Metro offices. The enormous zoom lens shows why there was a red glow from the moon |
| DATELINE: CALIFORNIA
Did you know that in 1850, 158 years ago, California became a state. The state had no electricity, no money, almost everyone spoke Spanish and there were gunfights in the streets. So basically it was just like California is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands. |
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DATELINE: PORCUPINE VS THE PIT BULL
A Pit-bull decided he would battle a Porcupine in back of his house in Southern California. But being both brave and stupid, he ultimately learned the hard way that he can't always win. A vet sedated the dog, and then removed a total of 1,347 quills. The dog survived, and hopefully learned a valuable lesson. Now tell me you had a bad day!!!
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| - DATELINE: METRO HEALTH WARNING
This just released from the US Department of Health.
DO NOT swallow chewing gum!
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DATELINE: AUGUSTA, MICHIGAN 
| For lo, the winter is almost past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers will appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle(on turtle island) is heard in our land." Yes we only have four short months until the next Frank Merriam "Full Moon" Back to Gull Lake where such famous sayings started....... like ... "It opens up over there" "That's not fair", "Coors lite baby", "Nice shot Kelly" I have made reservations for one villa on Tuesday May 13th and four villas starting May 14th. Reservations are for 16 people starting Wednesday 5/13 to Friday 5/16 Papa Smurf and his group will be returning again this year. The F ing guy is back and The Milk Man will be delivering. | .
Arrival: Tuesday, the 13 of May, 2008 (1 Villa) Departure: Friday, the 16 of May, 2008 Number of Nights: 3 Package Cost: $305.85 per person based on a foursome-4 day / 3 night package $216.90 per person based on a foursome-3 day / 2 night package (Prices quoted include applicable taxes) Carts: $14 per person per 18 hole round. Groups are able to pre-pay carts if the entire group would like to do this for scheduled rounds. Please let the villa office know this in advance and we can add this into your package price. Extra rounds can be paid at each pro-shop and rain outs will be refunded on a credit card or with a refund check. The package fees above do not include carts. The Committee has decided to fall back to 27 holes (first 18 own ball, 2nd 9 scramble) of golf per day, giving us more time to drink. If we decide to play more golf on a given day we just need to pay cart fees of $7.00 per 9 holes. I've made the starting tee times later in the AM to allow for drive time and relaxation. | | . |
DATELINE: CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS
Send in your celebrity sightings to the Metro. Submit photo's to replyto@mccartymetro.com
 |  | Metro subscribers Jerry McCarty & Rick Farmiloe meet
Dick Van Patten from the TV show "Eight Is Enough" | Jerry says hello to TV's
Lou Grant, Ed Asner. |
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From The Renovated Peanut & Jocko Theatre
A Tribute To Men
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The Man Song C'mon everyone
You know the words!!! Click For Video | Great Baseball Play I think you'll agree that this is
one of the best plays ever. Click For Video | Men Can Change Diapers Just how hard
can it possibly be? Click For Video |
| . | . | DATELINE: NEW SEAT BELT LAW
This becomes effective March 1, 2008. The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......
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HERSHEY Chocolate can cause SMALLFEET !!
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   | | Roy Scheider, 75, American actor (Jaws), complications from a staph infection. David Groh, 68, American actor (Rhoda), kidney cancer. William F. Buckley, Jr., 82, American author, conservative commentator, and founder of National Review magazine. |
POLISH WOMEN ARE TOUGH!
91 year old Stan Schuzinski, a Polish man from Hamtramck, Michigan, lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
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He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
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"Back off!" she said. "Those are for the funeral. " |
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