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Well it’s March and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be going to their health clubs and gyms to get physically fit for the spring. Just thinking about those Workout Weanies makes me hotter than an extra large tube of Ben Gay.
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Oh, I can just picture those Exercise Idiots walking on their Stairmaster for 20 minutes everyday. When we were growing up, my Mom had her Washer and Dryer down in the basement and had to walk up and down the stairs 20 times a day carrying a laundry basket and my little brother Steve. She got way more exercise than these kids nowadays. Sure, once in a while she would have to set down something to hit one of us other kids, but she didn’t care, she loved it!!

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And these kids nowadays like to take the Pilates, Hot Yoga, Hafta Yoga, and Vinyasa Yoga. When I was a kid we didn’t need no “Yoga” to make us flexible. We would just play Big Time Wrestling in the basement. After a few Camel Clutches, Figure Four Leg Locks, and Abdominal Stretches we would be so limber we could make ourselves into a pretzel. Sure we all have bad backs and bad knees now, but we didn’t care we loved it!!
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And those Cardiovascular Crybabies have to have their workouts right after work. “Ewww…..exercising helps me relieve the stress of my daily life” Fiddle Foey! Me and my brother Kelly used to go to the Gym at 4:00a.m. every morning to play racquetball. We would stumble out of bed with creases on our faces and walk into the 500 Watt light bulbs in the Racquetball Court. Sure, we’d be squinting more than Mickey Rourke eating a pickle, but we didn’t care... it was fun playing.

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So you go to your little Fitness Centers and go on your Stairmaster. As for me, I’m gonna run down my basement steps and then have a wrestling match with the Fabulous Kangaroos from Sydney, Australia. And while you try to become fit using progressive resistance and yoga, I’ll be stuck in a Figure Four Leg Lock while the Kangaroo’s Manager, George “Crybaby” Cannon hits me over the head with a folding chair! Now that’s Fitness!!