Well it’s Valentine’s Day and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be trying to get someone to like them by buying candy for them. Just thinking about those Love-starved losers makes me hotter than a handful of Red Hots.
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You can bet those Romeo Rejects will be buying those fancy schmancy Chocolate Truffles for their Valentines. Those things are like 20 bucks for a box of six and the inside looks like melted poop. My Dad knew how to buy chocolates. He’d go to the A&P and go to the back of the store where the dented cans and crushed boxes were. Then, he’d buy the biggest Heart Shaped box of Chocolate Covered Cherries you could get. And because the box was crushed, he’d get it for half off. Sure, half the chocolates were crushed and there would be Cherry Cordial Juice oozing from the box, but my Mom loved it!!

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And I know those Computer Cupids will be sending E-Cards to their Valentines with some cute jingle and animated graphic. When we were kids, we got the Valentine Classroom Card Pack with Valentines for everyone in the class and one big one for the teacher. You had to screen the Valentines so that you didn’t send the wrong message, but they were great. One time, I gave a Valentine to the biggest kid in the class that said “Valentine, You’re the Top Banana in my book’ and it had a gigantic yellow banana on it. I still get emails from that guy. Sure the Valentines were filled with Rockets, Bananas, Pickles, Corn on the Cob and other innuendoes but we didn’t care we Loved it!!
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And you can bet those Cinematic Saps will be taking their Valentine’s to some Romantic Movie. My Dad didn’t have to take my Mom to a movie and watch Meg Ryan cry for 2 hours to let her know he loved her. One year, my Dad took my Mom to the movie “Pumpkinhead” on Valentine’s Day. Sure it was about some serial killer with a pumpkin on his head, but they didn’t care, they loved it!!

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So you Grandbrats have your “Sensitive” Valentines Day. I’m going to have an old Fashioned Valentine’s Day and rent Pumpkin Head on DVD and buy Kathlene a gigantic box of Chocolate Covered Cherry Cordials with a dent in it. (I just hope the Banana Guy doesn’t get jealous.) Happy Valentine’s Day 

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