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Well I’ve just about had it with these California Wildfires and these little Wimpy West Coast Weasels think they have it so bad. Just thinking of those Whining Weirdos makes my butt burn more than Jalapeño Prunes.
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These Over-Protective Parents are keeping their kids indoors and they make their kids wear breathing masks so they look like Michael Jackson after chin surgery. “Ewww , we are afraid of the bad air quality and the carbon particles and carcinogens” Fiddle Foey! These people don’t what bad air quality is. Every Friday we would all pack into my dad’s station wagon and take a ½ hour drive to Grandma’s house. There would be 8 boys pack in a car while my dad smoked an entire pack of Pall Mall cigarettes. You couldn’t even see to the front seat through the smoke. We’d get out of that car reeking of smoke, sweat, and my Dad’s Aqua Velva, but we didn’t care, we loved it!! Because we got to play with my Grandma’s dog, Tiny!!

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And my nitpicking neighbors are spending hours outside scrubbing to get ash off of their driveways and houses. Those suburban sissies wouldn’t have lasted a week in our old neighborhood. My dad used to fire up the Hibachi with lots of charcoal and charcoal lighter and then cook a dozen hot dogs. By the time those dogs were finished the entire neighborhood would be covered with ash and soot. Sure, we’d come in from a barbeque looking like we walked out of a coal mine, but we didn’t care we loved it! Because the hot dogs had that outdoor flavor.
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And because of all that smoke and ash from the California Wildfires, school was called off for two days. The night before, we were notified that school would be closed by an automated phone call and a mass email. When we were kids back in Detroit, we had “Snow Days” and we had to get up at 5:00AM to listen to WJR radio for them to announce our school. Then we’d do a happy dance until my Mom made us go out and shovel snow for the day. We’d come back into the house 8 hours later covered in snow, exhausted, with snot frozen on our face. Sure, we got hypothermia and frostbite, but we didn’t care, we got a day off school!!

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So thanks to all of you that sent contributions to the Red Cross for the victims of the California Wildfire, but I’m sending my contribution to the fund for Frostbitten Detroit Public School Children with Black Lung who smell like Aqua Velva.